The Hitchcock Project-William Link and Richard Levinson Part Five: Nothing Ever Happens in Linvale [9.6] and Wrapup

R.I.P. PATRICIA HITCHCOCK (1928-2021)

by Jack Seabrook

Imagine Rear Window set in Mayberry and you'll have a general idea of the events and tone of "Nothing Ever Happens in Linvale," an episode of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour with a teleplay by William Link and Richard Levinson that aired on CBS on Friday, November 8, 1963.

The show was adapted from a short story by Robert Twohy, titled "Out of This Nettle," that was published first in the January 1962 issue of Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine. In the story, Police Chief Brandon of Lindenville receives a telephone call from Mrs. Grant, who asks him to come to her house because she suspects that something may have happened to her neighbor. When Brandon arrives at the house she is renting, he is surprised to find her a rather attractive, middle-aged woman, not the elderly spinster he imagined from her call.

Mrs. Grant leads him upstairs to her bedroom and shows him the view from her window of her neighbor, George Colfax, a man in his mid-fifties who sits in his yard, unkempt and drinking whiskey. She remarks that his wife has been gone for two weeks, along with her dog, and that last night, around eleven o'clock, Colfax began digging in his flowerbed. Chief Brandon explains that nothing ever happens in the quiet town of Lindenville, but he promises to investigate. He then looks into the disappearance of Mrs. Colfax and confirms that she has not been seen in two weeks. Mr. Colfax tells the chief that his wife is on vacation but he does not know how to reach her.

Gary Merrill as Harry Jarvis

That night, Chief Brandon and two policeman watch out of Mrs. Grant's bedroom window until they witness Colfax start digging in his flowerbed around eleven-thirty. The police enter his yard and begin to dig as Brandon questions Colfax. They uncover the corpse of his wife's dog, which Colfax admits to having killed in order to hurt his spouse. He tells Chief Brandon that he did not kill his wife, but he confesses that she did not go on vacation; she left him after thirty years of marriage.

The policemen find nothing else in the flowerbed and give up; the chief tells Mrs. Grant that he plans to let the matter drop. After Brandon and his men leave, Mrs. Grant meets Mr. Colfax in her back yard, where they uncover his wife's corpse. They bury it in his flowerbed and embrace passionately, relieved that their two-week ordeal is over.

Phyllis Thaxter as Mrs. Logan

For most of its length, "Out of This Nettle" seems like a suburban retelling of Rear Window, until its climax, which takes an unpredictable turn. The author comes close to cheating when he explains Mrs. Grant's state of mind and writes that she felt relieved after calling the police: "whatever the outcome, she had done what she felt was the right thing to do." The writer seems to give the reader insight into her thoughts, but it is misleading; her real reason for calling the police is to deflect their attention from what really happened. The character of Chief Brandon is well-drawn, and the quiet town of Lindenville is evocatively described as a place where a murder of the sort that Mrs. Grant suspects just doesn't happen. The story's title is explained in the final paragraphs:

    She gave a thin smile. "Out of this nettle, danger... what's the rest of it?"
    "Something about plucking this flower, safety."
    "That's what we've done," she said...

The source of the quotation is Shakespeare's history play, Henry IV, Part One. In Act Two, scene three, Hotspur explains that what seems like a dangerous situation will lead in the end to safety:

    "Out of this nettle, danger,
    we pluck this flower, safety."

"Out of This Nettle"
was first published here

A nettle is a plant that stings on contact and the title of the short story means that Mrs. Grant and Mr. Colfax have voluntarily put themselves in danger by involving the police, but that their plan will in the end lead to their being suspected of no wrongdoing.

The short story's author, Robert Twohy, wrote about 75 short stories that were published in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine and Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine between 1957 and 1994. "Out of This Nettle" was his second published story, and it is his only work to be adapted for the screen. It has been collected in such volumes as To Be Read Before Midnight (1962), Best Detective Stories of the Year, 20th Annual Collection (1965), and 13 Ways to Dispose of a Body (1966).

Link and Levinson adapted the story for television and chose to adopt a semi-humorous tone; the small-town setting and the overall lighthearted approach to a dead body may recall Hitchcock's The Trouble with Harry, and the original score for this episode by Bernard Herrmann has been compared to his score for that film, but the plot resembles that of Hitchcock's Rear Window even more and aspects of the setting and characters resemble those of The Andy Griffith Show, which had been running on CBS since 1960.

Fess Parker as Sheriff Wister

Unlike their scripts for "Captive Audience" and "Day of Reckoning," where Link and Levinson took full-length novels and compressed them to fit the hour-long TV show format, "Nothing Ever Happens in Linvale" required them to find ways to expand Twohy's short story, which runs ten pages in the original digest. They accomplish this by increasing the participation of the neighbor, renamed Harry Jarvis, by adding new characters, and by adding numerous scenes not found in the short story.

The first scene establishes Jarvis as a disheveled, lazy crank, who is rude to a boy who enters his yard looking for a lost cat. Mrs. Logan (as Mrs. Grant has been renamed) watches from her window and calls the police, but instead of Chief Brandon (rechristened Sheriff Ben Wister) answering the phone, it is picked up by his deputy, Charlie, who is asleep with his feet on the desk when the phone rings. Crime is so rare in Linvale (Lindenville in the short story) that he can't even find a pencil to write down the caller's "urgent" message.

George Furth as Deputy Charlie

Meanwhile, the sheriff is at the barbershop, admiring himself in a mirror, when Charlie bursts in to tell him about the phone call. Both the sheriff and the barber have Southern accents, making the scene a reflection of many on The Andy Griffith Show between Sheriff Andy Taylor and Floyd the barber. The sheriff proceeds to Mrs. Logan's house and the same boy who had been in Jarvis's yard asks the sheriff to find his lost cat; this shows the magnitude of problem that Sheriff Wister is used to facing.

Unlike the story, where the neighbor's wife has been gone for two weeks, Mrs. Jarvis has been missing for only three days, according to Mrs. Logan. Bernard Herrmann's score plays noticeably when she tells the sheriff that she thinks her neighbor wanted to kill his wife; the music underscores the importance of the dialogue and guides the viewer's thoughts. The sheriff begins investigating and there are bits of comedy business with Deputy Charlie, who resembles Deputy Barney Fife from The Andy Griffith Show, yet who is more intelligent and lacks a Southern accent.

Robert P. Lieb as Dr. Wyatt

The show expands the investigation into the wife's disappearance as the sheriff goes to the hospital to speak with Jarvis's friend, Dr. Wyatt, who confirms that Harry has been worried for a few days but who surprises the sheriff with the news that Mrs. Jarvis is expected at the doctor's office that evening for a checkup. Hours later, at the doctor's office, Dr. Wyatt's pretty receptionist explains that Harry called to cancel his wife's appointment. The investigation continues as Sheriff Wister visits the home of Mrs. Bergen, a middle-aged woman who has not seen Mrs. Jarvis in days but who takes the opportunity to try to play matchmaker between the bachelor sheriff and a new schoolteacher.

Burt Mustin as Bell

Back at the station, Charlie reports on his canvass of the neighborhood and says that no one has seen the missing woman. The sheriff calls Mrs. Logan, who tells him that Jarvis was digging in his garden last night, and that evening the sheriff is back in her bedroom, looking out the window at a large hole in Jarvis's flowerbed. Mrs. Logan suggests that Jarvis is digging a grave to bury his wife and, as if on cue, the neighbor comes out and resumes shoveling dirt. Ominous woodwind music rises on the soundtrack to underscore Mrs. Logan's concern. Jarvis sees her looking at him through the window and comes to her front door to confront her as the sheriff listens in secret from an adjoining room. After Jarvis leaves, Sheriff Wister continues to insist to Mrs. Logan that there is no evidence of a murder having been committed.

Jan Arvan as Al

The sheriff goes next door, where Jarvis claims his wife took off to parts unknown with the dog. However, when Sheriff Wister goes out to the sidewalk, the boy tells him that he saw the dog in the window earlier that day. At the station, Mrs. Bergen tells the sheriff that she took it upon herself to participate in the investigation and tried to deliver a freshly-baked cake to Mrs. Jarvis, only to be rebuffed at the front door by her husband, who said that his wife was ill. Meanwhile, Charlie follows Jarvis to the local hardware store; after Jarvis leaves, the sheriff questions old man Bell, who reports that Harry bought grass seed and rat poison. The sheriff's doubts that anything strange is happening are shaken by this odd series of events, so he, Charlie, and another deputy named Al watch from Mrs. Logan's bedroom window that evening as Harry emerges from his house with a shovel. The policemen enter his yard and take over digging, at which point they uncover the corpse of Harry's dog.

Cathie Merchant as the receptionist

Inside his home, Jarvis tells Sheriff Wister that he killed the dog because it was sick and his wife was gone. Harry is astonished that the sheriff suspected him of murder; he admits that she left him. The sheriff, satisfied with this explanation, tells Mrs. Logan that he believes Harry and will drop the matter. She protests, prolonging her elaborate charade, but the sheriff and his deputies leave. Harry watches them go, then exits his house through the back door, climbs over the fence that separates his yard from that of Mrs. Logan and, carrying a shovel, sneaks into her home through the back door after peering through her first-floor window in a reversal of roles.

Sam Reese as Henry the barber

Jarvis approaches Mrs. Logan from behind, gripping the shovel, and it looks like he means to do her harm, but instead she stands up and they embrace. The moment is a complete surprise to the viewer, since Link and Levinson have taken the story's climax one step further by adding an element of menace to Harry's approach. He tells her that they have work to do and they go outside, where he digs up his wife's corpse from Mrs. Logan's flowerbed. The body is wrapped in canvas tied tightly with rope; suddenly, a seemingly farcical situation turns serious, and this scene is the most gruesome in the show as the duo drag the corpse across the yard and toss it over the fence.

Mrs. Logan, still in her dress and heels, gamely grabs the shovel to fill in the hole in her own yard, while Harry drags the body across his own yard and deposits it in the hole dug by the deputies. At this point, the TV show has gone beyond the story's conclusion, but there is one final twist to come. Harry is filling the hole when he hears his doorbell ring; the sheriff is back with Charlie, telling Harry that they have come for the dog, since there is a city ordinance against burying animals on residential property. They head out to the back yard to dig up the animal and Mrs. Logan, unaware of their arrival, calls from behind the fence: "'Darling! Here--you'll need this.'" She tosses the shovel over the fence and Harry looks shocked. The policemen's faces register surprise and the last thing we see is Mrs. Logan, looking over the fence, looking horrified as she realizes that their plan has come undone.

Robert Roter

With this addition to the end of the story, Link and Levinson turn the show from one where the murderers get away with their crime into one where they are caught unexpectedly--out of the nettle of danger they have found their way further into dangerous weeds. "Nothing Ever Happens in Linvale" benefits from a solid script, strong acting, evocative music, and firm direction; it is an enjoyable hour of mystery that is lighthearted for most of its length, turns briefly grim, and then ends in a surprising moment of discovery. The couple's elaborate farce depends on their keeping up the deception in private for the benefit of the viewer; never, even when they are alone, do Harry and Mrs. Logan let down their guard, so there is no reason to suspect their true motivations.

The idea of a person looking out of a window and suspecting their neighbor of murder goes back to Cornell Woolrich's 1942 short story, "It Had to Be Murder." Hitchcock adapted the tale brilliantly for the 1954 film, Rear Window, which has been remade and parodied many times in the ensuing decades. The 2018 bestseller by A.J. Finn, The Woman in the Window, is a recent example of a mystery writer taking this idea in a new direction. "Nothing Ever Happens in Linvale" seems to assume that the TV viewer is familiar with the general idea of Rear Window and plays with our expectations, subverting them at the climax.

Martine Bartlett
as Mrs. Bergen

The show is directed by Herschel Daugherty (1910-1993), a prolific TV director from 1952 to 1975 who also directed a couple of movies. He directed 27 episodes of Alfred Hitchcock Presents in all, including "The Blessington Method," and he directed 16 episodes of Thriller. Perhaps the director had a hand in selecting some of the cast members for this episode, because four of the supporting players also appeared in "The Star Juror," another episode directed by Daugherty that took place in an even-more Southern setting.

Harry Jarvis is played by Gary Merrill (1915-1990), who was on film from 1943 to 1977 and on TV from 1953 to 1980, appearing in Otto Preminger's Where the Sidewalk Ends and the classic, All About Eve, both in 1950. He was on The Twilight Zone and The Outer Limits, and "Nothing Ever Happens in Linvale" was one of seven episodes of the Hitchcock TV show in which he was featured.

Phyllis Thaxter (1919-2012), who co-stars as Mrs. Logan, was born in Maine and acted on Broadway before making her film debut in 1944. She began acting on TV in 1953, appearing in six episodes of Alfred Hitchcock Presents and three episodes of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, including "The Long Silence," She also appeared on The Twilight Zone and Thriller. Later in her career, she played Ma Kent in Superman (1978), and she continued to appear on TV until 1992.

Towering over the rest of the case as Sheriff Wister is Fess Parker (1924-2010), who stood 6'6" and who served in the Marines in WWII before going to college on the G.I. Bill to study drama. His appearances in 1954 and 1955 on The Magical World of Disney as Davy Crockett made the character a cultural phenomenon and he followed this up with six seasons on TV starring as Daniel Boone (1964-1970). When "Nothing Ever Happens in Linvale" aired, he had just finished a single season starring in a TV series called Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1962-1963) and his film and TV career overall spanned the years from 1950 to 1974. In later years, he ran a winery in California. This was the only episode of the Hitchcock TV show in which he appeared.

Born George Schweinfurth and trained at the Actors Studio, George Furth (1932-2008) adds sharp comedic timing as Deputy Charlie. On screen from 1962 to 1998, Furth appeared in three TV series: Broadside (1964-1965), Tammy (1965-1966), and The Dumplings (1976) and was a guest on such series as Batman, Night Gallery, and The Odd Couple. He had a role in Blazing Saddles (1974) and also made a mark as a writer of Broadway plays and musicals. He appeared in one other episode of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour: "Beast in View."

In smaller roles:

• Robert P. Lieb (1914-2002) as Dr. Wyatt; on screen from 1946 to 1999, he was in three episodes of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour but is most familiar as Officer Flaherty in the Twilight Zone episode, "Night of the Meek."
• Burt Mustin (1884-1977) as Bell, the hardware store owner; he was a businessman and amateur actor whose screen career started late in life; he was on TV and film from 1951 to 1976. Mustin also appeared in "The Landlady" on Alfred Hitchcock Presents and in "The Star Juror" on The Alfred Hitchcock Hour; he was a familiar face over the years in such shows as The Twilight Zone (including "Night of the Meek," with Robert P. Lieb), Thriller, The Outer Limits, and Batman.
• Jan Arvan as Al, the second deputy who helps Charlie dig up the grave and find the dog; born Jan Arvanitas, he was on screen from 1949 to 1979 and also appeared in the Alfred Hitchcock Presents episode, "The Case of Mr. Pelham." He played scores of bit parts in film and on TV, appeared on Batman, and also was featured on Old Time Radio from 1948 to 1955.
• Cathie Merchant (1945-2013) as Dr. Wyatt's receptionist; born Catherine Beacom, she was only 17 years old when this episode aired. In her short screen career, which lasted from 1961 to 1965, she appeared in four episodes of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, including "The Star Juror," where she plays the young woman in the bathing suit who is murdered in the park.
  
• Sam Reese (1930-1985) as Henry, the barber who cuts the sheriff's hair; he was on screen from 1959 to 1970, appeared on The Outer Limits, and had parts in three episodes of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, all of which were set in small, Southern towns: "The Star Juror," "The Jar," and "Return of Verge Likens."
• Robert Roter as the boy with the missing cat; he had a brief TV career from 1962 to 1966 and his older sister, Diane Roter, was a regular on The Virginian in the 1965-66 season.
• Martine Bartlett (1925-2006) as Mrs. Bergen; she attended the Actors Studio, was on screen from 1951 to 1983, and appeared on The Twilight Zone and--you guessed it--"The Star Juror."

Thanks to Peter Enfantino for providing a copy of the short story! Watch "Nothing Ever Happens in Linvale" here.

Sources:

DeMary, Tom. "The Alfred Hitchcock Hour: An Introduction." The Bernard Herrmann Society, 1997, www.bernardherrmann.org/articles/misc-ahh/. 

The FICTIONMAGS Index, www.philsp.com/homeville/FMI/0start.htm. 

Grams, Martin, and Patrik Wikstrom. The Alfred HITCHCOCK Presents Companion. OTR Pub., 2001. 

IMDb, IMDb.com, www.imdb.com/. 

"Nothing Ever Happens in Linvale." The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, season 9, episode 6, CBS, 8 Nov. 1963. 

Stephensen-Payne, Phil. Galactic Central, philsp.com/. 

Twohy, Robert. "Out of This Nettle." Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, Jan. 1962, pp. 121–130. 

Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 3 Feb. 2021, www.wikipedia.org/. 

*  *  *  *  *

William Link and Richard Levinson on Alfred Hitchcock Presents and The Alfred Hitchcock Hour: An Overview and Episode Guide

William Link and Richard Levinson contributed two teleplays to Alfred Hitchcock Presents in its final season, adapting two of their own short stories into the episodes titled "Services Rendered" and "Profit-Sharing Plan." Both teleplays improved on the short stories that were their sources. Link and Levinson then wrote or co-wrote (with James Bridges) five episodes of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour. In "Captive Audience," they reimagined a complex novel and made major changes to its structure. "Day of Reckoning" was a more straightforward adaptation of another novel, where they streamlined the events and followed the plot closely, but changed the ending.

"Dear Uncle George" is credited to the duo and James Bridges and I have not found any published story that served as its source; it is possible that Link and Levinson wrote a teleplay and then Bridges revised it. The result is an entertaining hour of television. The duo expanded another writer's short story for "Nothing Ever Happens in Linvale," changing the tone and the ending yet again. Finally, they are credited with James Bridges for the strong episode called "Murder Case;" this episode also features major revisions to the short story from which it was adapted.

Link and Levinson began writing for TV in 1959 and their involvement with the Hitchcock show came in the years from 1962 to 1964; it was toward the start of their long career but it demonstrated promise that would be fulfilled in their many teleplays for Columbo and other mystery shows.

EPISODE GUIDE-WILLIAM LINK and RICHARD LEVINSON ON ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS and THE ALFRED HITCHCOCK HOUR

Episode title-"Services Rendered" [7.10]
Broadcast date-12 December 1961
Teleplay by-William Link and Richard Levinson
Based on "No Name, Address, Identity" by William Link and Richard Levinson

First print appearance-Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, July 1961
Notes
Watch episode-here
Available on DVD?-no

Episode title-"Profit-Sharing Plan" [7.23]
Broadcast date-16 March 1962
Teleplay by-William Link and Richard Levinson
Based on "The End of an Era" by William Link and Richard Levinson

First print appearance-Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, January 1962
Notes
Watch episode-here
Available on DVD?-no

Episode title-"Captive Audience" [8.5]
Broadcast date-18 October 1962
Teleplay by-William Link and Richard Levinson
Based on Murder Off the Record by John Bingham

First print appearance-published in 1957 in the U.K. as Marion
Notes
Watch episode-here
Available on DVD?-no

Episode title-"Day of Reckoning" [8.10]
Broadcast date-22 November 1962
Teleplay by-William Link and Richard Levinson
Based on Day of Reckoning by John Garden

First print appearance-published in 1957 in the U.K. as Murder Isn't Private
Notes
Watch episode-here
Available on DVD?-no

Episode title-"Dear Uncle George" [8.30]
Broadcast date-10 May 1963
Teleplay by-William Link, Richard Levinson, and James Bridges
Based on an unpublished story by William Link and Richard Levinson

First print appearance-none
Notes
Watch episode-here
Available on DVD?-no

Episode title-"Nothing Ever Happens in Linvale" [9.6]
Broadcast date-8 November 1963
Teleplay by-William Link and Richard Levinson
Based on "Out of This Nettle" by Robert Twohy

First print appearance-Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, January 1962
Notes
Watch episode-here
Available on DVD?-no

Episode title-"Murder Case" [9.19]
Broadcast date-6 March 1964
Teleplay by-James Bridges, William Link, and Richard Levinson
Based on "Murder Case" by Max Marquis

First print appearance-London Mystery Magazine, September 1955
Notes
Watch episode-here
Available on DVD?-no

In two weeks: Our coverage of Joel Murcott begins with "Number Twenty-Two," starring Russell Collins and Rip Torn!

Listen to Al Sjoerdsma discuss "The Legacy" here!

Listen to Annie and Kathryn discuss "Cheap is Cheap" here!

The Warren Report Issue 65: July-August 1975

 

 

The Critical Guide to

the Warren Illustrated Magazines

1964-1983

by Uncle Jack

& Cousin Peter

Kelly

Creepy #72 (July 1975)

"Vendetta" ★1/2

Story by Rich Margopoulos & Gerry Boudreau

Art by Jose Gual

"Malocchi!" ★★1/2

Story by Don McGregor

Art by Jose Gual

"Lick the Sky Red" ★

Story by Doug Moench

Art by Jose Gual

"The Terror-Stalked Heiress!" ★1/2

Story by Carl Wessler

Art by Jose Gual

"The Bite" ★

Story by Jeff Rovin

Art by Jose Gual

"Labyrinth" ★★1/2

Story by Gerry Boudreau

Art by Jose Gual

Heartless Howell Hayes is shutting down his factory and laying off the workers with no fanfare and a simple two-weeks' notice. After decades of service, the workers are understandably miffed. That includes Walter Hargrove (whose wife lies dying in the hospital and whose son awaits sentencing on drug charges) and one-armed 'Nam vet, Frank Troughton. Life is not fair.

But Frank has an idea. With Walter's assistance, Frank's going to use his mechanical skills to create a cyborg body in which he'll put his brain. Then he and Walter will head over to Hayes's mansion and bring up their dismissal with the boss. The operation is a success (who knew that Walter had brain surgeon skills?) and the now-indestructible Frank rises up from his slab and tells Walter: "Let's do it!"

The boys drive over to Howell Hayes's estate and easily fight their way past the guards. But Hayes has an ace up his sleeve: he's also transferred his brain to a metallic vessel and puts the hurt on Frank. Unbeknownst to the boss-man, his workers gave him a farewell gift: the men knowingly produced a bad batch of "charge cartridges" (the little capsules that keep Howell Hayes's shiny new form energetic) and his robotic body shuts down. Walter arrives, figures out what's going on, and destroys Howell's cyborg. He then reenergizes his friend, pops the Hayes mask on Frank, and the duo set out to conquer new worlds.

"Vendetta" is fatally overlong and laughably stupid. So many dopey twists and turns that neither surprise nor delight. How does Hayes hide the obvious bucket-shaped head under that silly mask? How does Walter perform brain surgery with the aid of a few jotted notes? And what a coincidence that the workers decided to deliver their revenge by mucking up the same capsules that Hayes would need to survive! The Gual art is nothing special (it reminds me of a heavily-inked Mort Drucker) and I again wonder what Dube was thinking parceling out an entire issue to one man. It's not like Gual was one of the staples of a Warren diet. In fact, outside of one more appearance in Eerie #73, this issue's contents will be the last we see of Gual in the Warren comics.

Mr. Troy Rutherford visits the Psychic Phenomena Institute to discuss his problem with institute senior partner, Mike Monnigan. Rutherford is convinced that a fortune teller named Madame Swambada has crafted a voodoo doll and, within 24 hours, he'll die a fiery death. Monnigan is skeptical. That night, Rutherford does indeed die in a house fire and Monnigan becomes intrigued. He does a little investigating but the gorgeous Madame Swambada seems to be just a simple fortune-teller.

After some fisticuffs with the woman's bodyguard, Monnigan is knocked unconscious and awakens to hear the voodoo woman explain that she has manufactured a mini-Mike and that he has 24 hours to live. She then releases him and bids him good luck. Mike relates the tale to his partner, Earl, and admits that he's a bit nervous about the next 24 hours. Earl heads over to Swambada's place, where he also tangles with her big bodyguard and manages to get away with the Mike voodoo doll. Meanwhile, Monnigan discovers a pitcher of cyanide in his kitchen and calls police. The cops arrest Swambada and Mike and Earl walk away, discussing the vagaries of psychic phenomena.

It amazes me that two guys who don't believe in psychic phenomena would create an institute devoted to the paranormal. At no point does Mike explain that the purpose of the business is to debunk demons and ghosts. Other than that weird discrepancy, I found "Malocchi!" to be an enjoyable little yarn, devoid of the sort of traps Don McGregor usually set for himself. There are no long, flowery passages and the dialogue is crisp. The climax is refreshing as well; Swambada is hauled off in cuffs rather than sent to her demonic maker. "Malocchi!" reminds me of classic TV-movies like The Norliss Tapes and Ritual of Evil. 

The fire that pyromaniac Richard Wycliff sets off in the chemical plant permanently scars the face and life of Terry Shaffer. Terry leaves his hospital bed after months in darkness and discovers a world that will not accept him. He loses his job, his friends scorn him, and his landlady evicts him. Homeless and penniless, Terry moves into the shack he played in as a kid. He buys a batch of dynamite and plans to blow up his old workplace out of spite.

One day, Terry looks out his window to see a pretty girl walk straight into the lake that borders the shack. He runs out and rescues her, discovering the girl is blind. They find immediate happiness and Terry decides this is a good time to go back into the world and reclaim his place on Earth, forgetting he was about to willingly place himself on the FBI's Most Wanted list. Meanwhile, firebug Wycliff finds Terry's shack (holy cow, what a coincidence!!!), and stumbles in the darkness. Thinking he's found a handful of candles to light, he puts match to the dynamite sticks. Ka-Boom!

"Lick the Sky Red" (oh man, what a great Doors song that would have made!) is stupid with a capital DUMB. As with most of these funny book stories, the downtrodden always seem to be surrounded by the vilest of human beings. There is not one sympathetic character (outside of the blind miss who makes barely a cameo at story's end) to be found. Wycliff is obviously a psychotic scumbag but landlady, boss, people on the streets--all are exaggerated haters. Even Terry himself caves to the dark side. Alas, there are only a few Moench-isms to take your mind off the lack of a plot (The ghostly shriek of the ambulance echoes in its passengers' ears. Terry Shaffer hears it as a muffled weeping... and struggles to answer it. A struggle that is lost... to haze-rimmed oblivion.), but the Three Stooges-worthy climax will leave you in stitches.

Jill Redey has been willed a fabulous mansion by her dead Uncle Anthony. When danger rears its ugly head, in the form of supernatural beings popping out of one of the huge mirrors in the house, Anthony rises from the grave to save Jill. The creatures safely back in the mirror-land, Anthony heads back to his resting place. But no sooner does he get comfortable than he's back on the road again, this time to avert the evil plan of two real estate agents. The villains intend to kill Jill and then sell her mansion to a developer for a huge profit. The living corpse heads them off at the pass and unleashes the monsters from the mirror. The dastardly duo are dragged off into another dimension and the mirror is smashed. Jill sighs and looks forward to a more peaceful existence. Anthony does as well.

From the pulp-addled brain of Carl Wessler comes what would appear to be the third chapter in the "It!" saga, "The Terror-Stalked Heiress!" All the names are changed, which is odd, but this is clearly a continuance of that storyline. Perhaps the character names were changed when Dube slotted its appearance in Creepy rather than Eerie (the series will see one more installment in that title in a few months). In any case, I found this scattershot thriller to be seriously lacking in clarity. Why, after one attack by other-dimensional creatures, would you leave an evil mirror lying around your house? And, as I queried after the "It!" sequel, who is covering the corpse with dirt every time he rises? I did find some (perhaps unintentional) hilarity in the scene where the real estate guys are trying to lure Jill out of the house by playing a tape recording of an eerie voice beseeching the girl to come out and play. Jill takes one look out the window, sees the two dopes standing right in the middle of the front yard, and tells them to get lost. 

There's a mad murderer loose in New York and the prime suspect is Giants' tackle Carl Keller. He knows he's innocent, but the gossip rags keep harping that he loves blood on and off the field. The only people who believe his plea of innocence are newspaperman Luke, Luke's girlfriend, and the exotic and mysterious restauranteur Anita Perkiel. When a double murder happens just outside of Perkiel's establishment, Luke suggests that Carl go into hiding from the cops and, dumb as a linebacker, Carl agrees.

When they arrive at Anita's place, the charade ends and Anita admits she's the killer. She's a ghoul!!! Luke and his gal have been paid to cover for Anita and the police have been called. When the cops get there, they haul Carl away to the looney bin and Anita admits it's probably time to find another small town to munch on. Hard to believe this clunky mess was written by a professional. None of "The Bite" makes much sense at all. Why would any half-intelligent ghoul think to frame a high-profile celebrity rather than some nobody? I'd think you'd want to avoid exposure rather than seek it out. The reveal, when Anita cackles, "It's simple, really! I'm a ghoul!," is laugh-out-loud stupid. Another thing that makes no sense (and I swear I'll stop after this one) is killing the couple outside the restaurant while Carl is inside the packed establishment. Alibi, anyone? 

Sam, a trucker and part-time country-western singer, stops in at his usual resting place, Marge's, for a little warmth and gossip with the owner. Today, though, Sam is surprised by a newcomer, a bizarre but enchanting woman known as Dierdre. The two strike up a quasi-friendship and Sam invites Dierdre to accompany him in his big rig to Cuernavaca, where he's dropping a big load. Dierdre agrees and talks Sam into visiting a tourist trap known as the Catacombs. A guide takes them what seems to be miles underground on a tour of an underground burial site. During the trip down into the "Labyrinth," Marge admits that she's been lonely and Sam might just be the antidote. Laughing, the trucker tells her that no dame will hold him down; he's strictly a one-night stand. Telling Sam she doesn't want to die lonely, Dierdre kills the tour guide as Sam looks on, astonished.

There are two ways to view the climax of "Labyrinth": it's really dumb or it's really clever. Ok, so three. There's a bit of both. Dierdre's action comes right out of left field, as does her prattling on about life and loneliness. She's the hard, unloving type when Sam meets up with her at Marge's and he's just an old softy. For some odd reason not explained, those personas are reversed when the couple get to the Catacombs.  But, for some reason I can't put my finger on, the script and art both work for me better than any other story this issue (though poor Sam's appearance changes from panel to panel). Perhaps it's that abrupt and violent final scene and Dierdre's insane confession.-Peter

Jack-It's odd that they'd pack an entire issue with stories drawn by Jose Gual, but the art isn't the problem with Creepy #72. The writing, for the most part, is terrible. Margopoulos and Boudreau jump on the cyborg bandwagon, but this bionic man doesn't cost anywhere near six million dollars--more like six bucks.  I liked the timeliness of having the one-armed Vietnam vet want to have his consciousness transferred into a robot body, but the story loses focus partway through and the end is a letdown.

"Malocchi!" reminded me of The Sixth Sense, a series I never liked because I was always disappointed when it appeared masquerading as a Night Gallery rerun. "Lick the Sky Red" was the second of three stories to feature workers treated badly by their employer; I'm glad you explained the ending to me because I did not understand what happened. "The Terror-Stalked Heiress!" is at least a horror story, with its shambling corpse, but Carl Wessler makes a mess of things once again. I thought it was funny that no one blinked twice at the corpse of Uncle Tony rising from the grave; instead, the crooks tried to imitate him!

"The Bite" is easily the issue's low point, with football players and ghouls making little sense. "Labyrinth" started out promisingly but ended up meandering pointlessly to a bizarre finish.

Sanjulian

Eerie #67 (August 1975)

"Death's Dark Colors"★★★★

Story by Budd Lewis

Art by Jose Ortiz

"Hunter II"★★1/2

Story by Budd Lewis

Art by Paul Neary

"The Hacker's Last Stand!"★★★

Story by Steve Skeates

Art by Alex Toth

"The Man Named Gold!"★★★

Story by Budd Lewis

Art by Leopold Sanchez

"The Kingmaker"★★1/2

Story by Budd Lewis

Art by Esteban Maroto

Alone in the desert and desperate for food and water, Coffin is unable to attract the attention of a passing caravan that scatters handbills advertising itself as the "Caravan of Death." Traveling by night, Coffin reaches the deserted town of Cemetery Creek and sees evidence that the caravan has passed through. When he discovers all of the town's inhabitants crucified on the outskirts, Coffin goes looking for the caravan in the desert. He finds it and kills its members, freeing a beautiful girl who they were about to kill and ignoring their entreaties that she is the demon responsible for the murders of the townsfolk of Cemetery Creek.  Sure enough, as soon as Coffin rides into the desert, the woman reveals that she is, in fact, a demon, who spares Coffin because he helped her.

"Death's Dark Colors" is an excellent story whose ending is straight out of "The Howling Man" on The Twilight Zone but whose prose and art are darkly captivating. Jose Ortiz's Coffin is a haunting figure, both unmasked and masked, and Lewis does a nice job of summarizing Coffin's back story without wasting much space. The deserted village, its crucified inhabitants, and the final confrontation at the caravan all work well; nothing is too drawn out or confusing. This is the best Warren horror story I've read in a while.

In 2394 A.D., long after the death of Demian Hunter, the Earth has begun to recover, yet mutants still roam, killing humans. An old wizard named Mandragora tells a young man named Karas about his theory that the Earth is like a phoenix; when a man named Browne Loe is found to have been attacked by mutants, Mandragora fears the old cycle of violence is repeating itself. He has a plan to pause the Earth's rotation and thus prevent its destruction, so Karas goes out and brings home a mutant for Mandragora to question. The wizard explains that an evil magician named Yaust wants the Earth to end, so Karas takes on the mantle of the original Hunter and becomes "Hunter II" to try to save the planet.

It's all a bit confusing, but I'm glad to see Paul Neary's art and I always liked the Hunter character (and his cool outfit and helmet), so I'm hopeful that this is the kickoff to a new series that will rival the earlier one. I can do without the wizard spending page upon page explaining the phoenix, so perhaps future installments will focus more on Karas and his mission to kill mutants.

For thirty years, the Hacker has terrorized London, chopping off heads every ten years and always starting with the chief of detectives. Inspector Smythe survives the latest attack and follows clues to Soho's Red Light District, looking for the killer, but the Hacker goes on a rampage, killing people at random and sending their severed heads in boxes to Scotland Yard. Finally, Smythe tracks the Hacker to Fishmonger's Pier, where he learns to his dismay that the only chance to survive in London is to hide from the Hacker!

I'm not sure why they call this "The Hacker's Last Stand," since the end seems to suggest the cleaver-wielding killer will be back, but never mind. Steve Skeates's story is all over the place, but that doesn't stop Alex Toth from delivering one thrilling page after another. Is there another artist working at Warren in this period whose page designs are so creative or who pours so much inventive energy into his work? I can't think of one. Toth's figures may tend toward the cartoony but you can't argue with his creativity and draftsmanship.

By 1910, Crackermeyer is an old man, known to the local kids as Papa Voodoo, who is beloved for his stories of the Old West. He tells the tale of "The Man Named Gold," a black cowboy who worked hard riding fences after the Civil War in order to take care of his wife and babies. When Apaches attack their homestead and carry off his family, Gold goes on a long quest to find his missing loved ones, killing many Apaches and bringing home captives. He finally found his wife, but by then she was married to an Apache. He killed her husband and she killed herself (I think), so Gold took her hone and buried her. He raised the kids and eventually died of a broken heart.

The Spook/Crackermeyer series has been one of my favorites in the Warren mags, and this Western tale is beautifully drawn by Leopold Sanchez, whose pages often are reminiscent of the great John Severin's work. The fact that Gold is a Black man is notable but doesn't change anything about the narrative, which is an old story that's not much different from a certain classic John Ford film.

In Roman-occupied Britain, Merlin and Snivel, his familiar/sidekick/super-hot chick, vow to end the tyranny of the Latin-speaking invaders. Merlin visits a blacksmith, who has forged a sword known as "The Kingmaker," which the wizard plunges into the Learning Stone, certain that the one who pulls it out will rid England of the Roman forces. Merlin is summoned to help King Uther in his battle against the Duke of Cornwall; a bit of magic ensures that the king is able to reunite with his lover. Their son will be known as Arthur, who will pull the sword from the stone.

It's funny how, a few years ago, a Maroto story would have been the highlight in an otherwise-mediocre issue of Eerie. It speaks to the increase in quality by 1975 that the Maroto story is just okay, nothing more. I don't know why Budd Lewis felt the need to retell the story of Merlin, Arthur, etc., but--as usual--Maroto finds ways to get beautiful, scantily-clad women into the story. Not that that's a bad thing, but this is not the best story in a strong issue of Eerie.-Jack

Peter-Solid "Coffin" story this issue. Startling original facial features, but I swear I've seen them somewhere before (below). With its western backdrop, this is obviously Warren's version of Jonah Hex. Alas, this one won't last quite so long (two more chapters, to be precise). Anyway, I like the script; Budd manages to put aside his usual flowery prose and just tell the story. 

Unfortunately, I can't say good things about either Hunter II or the Hacker. Hunter is talk talk talk, as if Budd feels the need to explain everything that happened in the past series and then tell us everything that will happen in the present series. Nothing really happens except sore jaws. Likewise, "The Hacker's Last Stand!" is a dismal finale to an otherwise enjoyable series. The ending is the epitome of abrupt and confusing, as if Skeates had no idea how to finish off this trilogy and said, "Screw it, let's make it the butcher" (which further confuses things since we recently had a character named the Butcher around these parts). Very disappointing.

Papa Voodoo's story of Rufe Gold might have had a little more punch to it had it not already been written down (and filmed) as The Searchers. I continue to question why some of these stories (including this sappy retread) bear placement in a horror/fantasy/science fiction magazine. Hilarious when Budd mentions that Spook and Crackerbarrel had become anachronistic monikers but Papa Voodoo was hunky-dory. Brother Voodoo had already been taken. Overall, I liked "The Kingmaker," though it was (like too many of these series entries) too long. Maroto's art is exquisite but might need a touch more inking, as a lot of it just melts together. Budd goes with an original take on Merlin the magician, eschewing the typical bearded hunchback eccentric and going more for the Conan/Kull physique. Well done.-Peter

Sanjulian

Vampirella #44 (August 1975)

"Blood for the Dancing Sorcerer" ★★

Story by Bill DuBay & Gerry Boudreau

Art by Jose Gonzalez

"Love Strip" ★★

Story by Gerry Boudreau & Victor Mora

Art by Luis Garcia Mozos

"Troll" ★1/2

Story by Bruce Bezaire

Art by Ramon Torrents

"Changing" ★1/2

Story by Budd Lewis

Art by Rafael Auraleon

Adam Van Helsing hurries his girlfriend, Vampirella, away from her hospital bed to a hiding place near the wharves of New York's Lower West Side. Adam worries that the police might make trouble for Vampi (she's wanted in connection with the slaying of Conrad Van Helsing last issue), but she's worried her friend, Pendragon, has been slain by the same sniper who took a shot at her (also last issue). Safely tucked away, the vampiric vixen drops off to sleep and dreams about a recent adventure she enjoyed with her partner, Pendy.

She and Pendy take a trip to Cuernavaca (evidently the vacation destination for Warren Publishing this month), avoiding the catacombs, but inadvertently stumbling into a killing cult, "The Dancing Sorcerer," whose members believe their god will grant them immortality. To get their wish, they need copious amounts of blood and, during one of their blood bank "withdrawals," the thieves are seen getting away by Vampi and Pendy. Our favorite alcoholic magician is kidnapped by the thugs and Vampi must save him once again. Dream/Memory over, Vampi awakens to Adam telling her everything will be okay. Hidden in his hand is a newspaper that details the murder of Conrad van Helsing.

"Blood for the Dancing Sorcerer" is an oddball Vampirella story. The art, as usual, is good but the script is wonky. It's tantamount to one of those Marvel Deadline Doom stories where Iron Man is fighting with the Unicorn and is trapped under a ton of rubble and remembers the time he fought Sub-Mariner in Baghdad (cue complete reprinting of Iron Man #23). The "inner" story is not a reprinting but it might as well be; it's skimpy as all hell and once this all-important cult is introduced they're pretty much dismissed without anything of consequence taking place. I love how the leader produces glamor shots of Vampi and Pendy when sending his muscle out to kidnap them, despite the fact that the duo were in street clothes when they witnessed the crime. Why belabor the return of Pendy and Conrad? We all know they're not dead. But, on the bright side, we get to see Vampi in a tight pair of Daisy Dukes!

A comic book artist grows despondent over his work, realizing he could give more to the planet than just romance funnies. Intent on delivering his masterpiece, he doesn't realize his girlfriend is bedding his friend, the strip's writer. Depressed over work and life, the artist kills himself. But an epilogue shows the man writing a new biographical comic strip, at last intent with his situation.

"Love Strip" is another of those stories that walks the fine line between pretension and entertainment. A lot of the prose comes off like stream-of-consciousness banged out on a typewriter while the writer is tripping on acid. Not my cup of tea by any stretch. The denouement is not really clear (or I'm a dunce), so I had to take a wild guess in my synopsis. The art is really top-notch, and that's the reason for a two-star rating. Clearly, I felt the script (rewritten by Gerry from its original version in Pilote magazine) was murky and more than a tad showy, but Garcia's visuals carry the day. Eighteen pages are way too many for material such as this.

Dennis has become tired of trying to please everyone else. His father, his teachers, his friends--they all try to push Dennis into doing something he doesn't want to do. So Dennis does what any other man, pushed to the brink, would do: he becomes a troll. He buys a costume and mask and puts his gymnastic moves to good use, hanging and swinging from the Ambassador Bridge. But then things go pear-shaped and Dennis is shot and killed by police. The End.

I assume the point Bruce Bezaire is trying to hammer home in "Troll" is just be yourself. Even if that means swinging hundreds of feet above the water and demanding tolls from the people using the bridge. Yeah, so it's an... eccentric viewpoint on life. What it's decidedly not is a story fit for Vampirella.

When Pantha is raped one night and cannot change into her feline form, she faces the fact that she might be "Changing." Ready to start a new life, Pantha moves out of her awful apartment and moves across town. On a whim, she visits a hiring agency and is sent to an interview with Professor Goldman, an archaeologist working at the Museum of Natural Science. Going under the name of Terry White, Pantha accepts the job and is told to pack for a super-secret temple excavation in Egypt immediately.

Goldman and Pantha land and are greeted by Goldman's colleagues, who tell the old man that they're having problems at the dig, courtesy of the Russians. Sure enough, when the expedition enters the temple they've excavated, they are ambushed by stinkin' commies and most of the party is shot dead. Suddenly, Pantha regains her power of transformation and tears the Russkies limb from limb. Curious as to the nature of the temple, Pantha enters a secret room and discovers an ancient UFO!

I'm not sure what's worse here, the awful prose or the indecipherable plot. There's a lunk-headed rape scene that opens "Changing" with a bang (pun intended), but I'm not sure it's really a rape scene. Pantha lies back and seems to enjoy herself, despite the drivel that comes out of the mouth of her attacker: 

"Yeah... you're black! You may be lily white on the outside... but you don't jive me...! Deep down, way behind them brown eyes, you're black as the shadows of hell. You're black all right! Race don't make no difference! So come 'ere my little black mama... come enjoy your color. When I get done doing this to you... you'll never want to be white again. Ummm... so soft!"

Budd comes back to the race issue several times during the length of the story, so many that I assume he'd just watched an MLK documentary on PBS and itched to tell the world in his own little way. But it's a clunky way of doing it. The Russkie angle goes nowhere, nor does Pantha's sudden ability to control her transformation. Where was the power when she was being molested? The ending is a big cliffhanger, but I won't pretend to be interested. This series is going nowhere. Oh, and I certainly have no problem with Pantha lounging around naked (especially when depicted by an artist like Auraleon, who knows his way around the female figure), but what's with the missing nipples? A perfect conclusion to an utterly dismal issue.-Peter

Jack-Weird, yes, but utterly dismal? I don't think so. First of all, the inside cover drawn by Neal Adams makes me wish he'd do a full-length Vampirella story. Zowie! I thought "Blood for the Dancing Sorcerer" was a very good tale with fabulous art, and the end, with the headline that van Helsing is dead, came as a shock. I think Gonzalez is the perfect artist for this strip, so it's hard for him to go wrong. I didn't care for the murky art on "Love Strip" and I thought the story was way too long. I actually preferred the clean lines of the art in the comic inside the story here, but every few pages I thought the story was over and then turned the page and was disappointed to see more.

I really enjoyed "Troll" and found the art to be excellent, but I agree that this story doesn't belong in Vampirella. Finally, the Pantha entry, "Changing," has lovely work by Auraleon but is one of the most bizarre stories we've seen recently. And what's with another ending involving aliens? At least this time the spaceship is in an Egyptian pyramid, where it belongs!

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For the first time in 18 years...
The Batman Annual!