The Critical Guide to
the Warren Illustrated Magazines
1964-1983
by Uncle Jack
& Cousin Peter
Barr |
"The Cadaver" ★★
Story by Chris Fellner
Art by Bill Stillwell
"King Keller" ★★
Story by Nick Cuti
Art by Syd Shores
"I Hate You! I Hate You!" ★
Story by Bill Warren
Art by Mike Royer
"Tender Machine 10061" ★
Story and Art by Ernie Colon
"Coffin Cure" ★1/2
Story by Doug Moench
Art by Don Brown
"The Castle" ★★★
Story & Art by Pat Boyette
"The Cut-Throat Cat Blues" ★★1/2
Story by T. Casey Brennan
Art by Ernie Colon
"The Cadaver" |
"The Cadaver" is not bad but it feels like... well, a cadaver, pieced together from the original ideas of dozens of other stories (I thought, at first, with the prankster nature of the three students, that this would venture into the area already explored by Robert Arthur's "The Jokester" but, thankfully, it veered). The art is stark and minimal but effective. The climax is a bit silly, though; were these guys so good at resurrecting Hackenbush that no one could tell there's something amiss? Pallor, maybe?
"King Keller" |
That awkward moment when you discover you've been sleeping with your own mom. ("I Hate You! I Hate You!') |
"Tender Machine 10061" |
"Tender Machine 10061" is more pseudo-2001 nonsense about a future world where we are slaves who tend the "machines." Sheesh, did these young writers head to the flicks every Friday to bask in Kubrick's wonder and then think, "I can do that too!?" Clearly, they could not. The faster we get away from the "Dangerous Visions" era, the better. Colon's art has gotten much more stylish but his presentation has not gotten any more cohesive. Sans panels, it's tough to follow Ernie's path.
Mr. Denton is approached by a man named Hawkins, who seems to know quite a bit about the shady dealings Denton has been involved in and also has intel that the cops are closing in. For a hundred grand, Hawkins will help Denton disappear through an elaborate scheme: Hawkins is a doctor who can administer a drug that brings on the appearance of death. After Denton is buried, Hawkins will dig him up and then the man will be free to fly to another country and change identities. Unfortunately for Mr. Denton, Hawkins pulls a double-cross and leaves his client buried alive. "Coffin Cure" doesn't make much sense (how is it Denton was not autopsied or embalmed?) and I'm still trying to figure out what's happening in the climactic panel (Jack! You went to college! Explain!). But, those nits put aside, the plot was an old one even by 1970 (EC got mileage out of the "buried alive for fun and profit" hook, didn't they?) and the art is hideous. This was Don Brown's only Warren story (and, as far as my research can carry me, the only pro work he ever placed) and it furthers my thought that several of these short-timers might actually have sent in fan art and been given the chance to "shine" one time (read that as Warren was a thrifty guy and these newbies probably came dirt-cheap), only to then disappear back into fandom. Only a theory, of course.
Boyette brilliance! |
I can't say enough about Pat Boyette and his stylish descents into terror and debasement (the basement?); the artist truly stood out from any of his peers (the only other Warren bullpenner who could maintain the pace was Sutton). "The Castle" has some story problems (the flashback is too long and the post-history lesson too short), but what's there is hair-raising, the graphic equivalent of something like The Virgin of Nuremberg. I'm eager, at some point, to jump into Boyette's vast amount of work for Charlton. Was the artist as successful in presenting his twisted visions while working under the Comics Code or did he adjust to those restrictions? Unfortunately, for us, Charlton provided monetary stability and his stay here with us at Warren is coming to an end soon.
Warren enters the four-color world |
Nearly thirty years ago, I picked "Cut-Throat Cat Blues" as one of the best stories to run in Creepy. While I still feel T. Casey Brennan's script is wildly inventive at times, it hasn't aged well, unfortunately. It's choppy and unfocused and not enough time is given over to the titular cartoon character. And, amidst a sea of typos, "Cut-Throat" contains perhaps the most egregious omission we've seen when the letterer forgets to include the line from Fred's daughter about his suicide! We don't have an inkling of what happened until the following page. Colon's art is fabulous (though he still loses me, chronologically, at times) and the gimmick of ending "Cut-Throat" on the inside back cover (thus allowing color for the first time in a Warren story) was a brilliant one. Not one of the best ever but still an enjoyable (if flawed) read.-Peter
"The Castle" |
I liked "Coffin Cure" better than you did and thought it was not a bad little story, though nothing special. "The Cadaver" was entertaining for most of its length but the ending was a confusing letdown, while "King Keller" meandered along to a finale both abrupt and disappointing. That leaves "I Hate You! I Hate You!," which has to be one of the more distasteful stories we've read yet. In a word, it's Creepy.
Bill Hughes |
"Fiends in the Night"★★★1/2
Story by Buddy Saunders
Art by Tom Sutton
"The Marriage"★★
Story by Steve Skeates
Art by Ralph Reese
"Eye of Newt, Toe of Frog"★★1/2
Story by Gerry Conway
Art by Frank Brunner
"The Soft, Sweet Lips of Hell!"★★★★
Story by Denny O'Neil
Art by Neal Adams & Steve Englehart
"War of the Wizards"★★★
Story & Art by Wally Wood
"A Thing of Beauty!"★★★
Story by Len Wein
Art by Billy Graham
"Regeneration Gap"★★
Story by Chuck McNaughton
Art by Tom Sutton
Black marketer Anton DeLaudier is on the run from the cops and the Army in Paris as the German Army has surrounded the city in a siege during the Franco-Prussian War. Desperate for money, he rushes into the shop of Sivman, an old candle maker, and threatens the old man into giving up his only treasure, a leather chest with a golden lock. DeLaudier scurries to a cemetery and opens the box but is disappointed to find only a book of spells. Throwing the book aside in the snow, he finds himself menaced by two ghouls and shoots them. Shot at by a policeman, he is next attacked by a werewolf that he manages to kill by bludgeoning it with his silver gun.
"Fiends in the Night!" |
Vampirella 10 is off to a great start! The cover by Bill Hughes is certainly eye-catching and the first page, which we usually ignore, is an impressive, one-page entry in the series, "Vampi's Feary Tales!" by Billy Graham that depicts the legend of Medusa and contains a howler of a typo: her hair was "turned to a swarm of serpants." I can't help picturing snakes in trousers.
Tom Sutton does a wonderful job illustrating the monster rally that is "Fiends in the Night!," a story that ends up being more than the sum of its parts mainly due to the evocative artwork. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense but it sure is fun!
"The Marriage" |
"The Marriage" is short, at five pages, but it gets the message across. The story is predictable and a bit heavy-handed, but I like Ralph Reese's underground comix style and it makes the lack of action easier to bear.
"Eye of Newt, Toe of Frog" |
When I saw the credits for this story, I wondered if we'd left Warren and wandered into the offices of Marvel. After all, I loved Frank Brunner's work on Dr. Strange and even bought an art book in the mid-'70s called The Brunner Mystique that I had to keep hidden due to the topless woman on the cover. "Eye of Newt, Toe of Frog" is pretty good, but it's definitely not a hidden Brunner gem. Conway's story is not dissimilar from many others we've seen already on our march through the years with Warren.
Watch where you're putting that hand, buster! ("The Soft, Sweet Lips of Hell!") |
The last story was done by a Marvel team and this one is done by the greatest DC duo working at the time, Denny O'Neil and Neal Adams! Apparently, Steve Englehart also contributed some art (?) and Adams insisted he take co-credit, but I can't begin to tell what he did. The story is terrific and O'Neil's skill in conveying a coherent, interesting narrative from start to finish has the unfortunate effect of highlighting how many of the Warren writers fail to do just that. Adams was at the top of his form around this time, and the art is ten pages of dynamite.
Disguised as a doctor, a sword-wielding warrior named Torin watches men die in war games until the moment when his beautiful girlfriend, Marissa, appears, naked and tied to a stake. He throws off his disguise, goes on a killing spree, grabs Marissa, and escapes on horseback. Chased by enemy soldiers, Torin and Marissa suddenly find their horse taking flight, and soon they arrive at a castle in the air, where they meet a wizard named Thanos. He tells them that he will spare their lives if they kill his rival, a wizard named Aros.
"War of the Wizards" |
Thanos hangs a magical jewel around the neck of Marissa and she and Torin fly off on a couple of Pterodactyls to the cave of Aros. Marissa whips off her skin-tight tunic and stands naked before Aros, who is stunned by her ... jewel ... and left helpless. He tells Torin that he has a magic lodestone that will kill Thanos, so Torin uses a catapult to chuck the stone onto the castle in the air, which blows up. He then kills Aros and admits to Marissa that he's a wizard himself and he has just eliminated his rivals.
I'll admit that all of the wizarding is silly, but who cares? Wood's art is utterly gorgeous, and it's fun to watch the many ways (some legitimate, some not) that he finds to cover just enough of Marissa's breasts to avoid the censor, though since this is a Warren mag, he probably didn't have to bother. In any case, the story is pure Wally Wood and thus I'm all in favor of it.
Rachel Walsh would've made a great Vampirella! ("A Thing of Beauty!") |
I almost don't know what to do with this issue of Vampirella. Is it a coincidence that so many names we recognize from Marvel and DC correlate with the sudden leap in quality? Len Wein's story is fun and well-told, and Billy Graham's art is as good as we've come to expect from him. Wein was already doing work for DC by this point and Graham would be drawing Luke Cage at Marvel in a couple of years. For now, we get to enjoy their talents at Warren.
"Regeneration Gap" |
After such a good run of stories in this issue, there had to be a stinker, and "Regeneration Gap" is it. Tom Sutton's decent art is wasted on a boring and predictable tale that hits the reader over the head with its message of the risks of pollution and overpopulation. That's OK--this is a really strong issue!-Jack
Wah-Wah-Wood! |
"The Soft, Sweet Lips of Hell!" is a bit lightweight, especially considering the three titans attached, but I'll give it a thumbs-up for being a little different and certainly more enjoyable than most of the Warren fantasies. "War of the Wizards" is equally enjoyable and Wally sure knows how to keep our attention. The only real dogs this issue are the final two stories, but at least both feature some eye-catching graphics. All-in-all, a stellar issue of Vampirella!
Corben |
"Superhero!"★★★
Story by Steve Skeates
Art by Tom Sutton
"The Waking of the Hawk!"★★1/2
Story by Gardner Fox
Art by Clif Jackson & Syd Shores
"The Wailing Tower"★★1/2
Story by Larry Herndon
Art by Frank Bolle
"Bookworm"★★★★
Story by Gerry Conway
Art by Rich Corben
"I Fell For You"★★
Story by John Wooley
Art by Jack Sparling
"Soul Power"★1/2
Story by Don Glut
Art by Mike Royer
"Ice World"★1/2
Story by Bill DuBay
Art by William Barry
Ollie Twitchit in "Supehero!" even looks like Will Eisner! |
"Superhero!" is a terrific story right up till the groaner of an ending, but that didn't ruin it for me. At first I thought it was a precursor to Watchmen, what with the overt violence by the hero and the concern among the police about his actions, but soon I realized it was more of a Warrenized version of one of those old Mad magazine superhero spoofs, just with a vampire thrown in. Sutton's art is perfect and he even makes Twitchit look like an Eisner character, what with the empty glasses.
On an expedition in the Himalayas, three men find, frozen in a block of ice, the body of a man with the head of a hawk. Mark Goode, one of the trio, kills his compatriots so that he can thaw out the strange man and learn the secrets of the futuristic gadgets that surround him in the cave. After "The Waking of the Hawk!," Mark helps the hawk man make his way down the mountain to the remains of his spaceship and Mark learns that the visitor from space may have lots of advanced tools, but he also is very hungry--and feasts on the meat of the only human around.
"The Waking of the Hawk!" |
Bill Reamy's plane crash-lands in the Himalayas (yes, two stories in a row are set there) and he is rescued by Tibetan monks who care for "The Wailing Tower," one of "the few earthly abodes of Doasha." Seduced by the riches he sees around him, Bill murders a monk and tries to make a run for it, but the only way out is blocked by a mob of pilgrims bringing offerings to the monastery. Bill hides in the tower and climbs its winding staircase, ignoring warnings from the monks below that he faces grave danger. He should've listened--at the top he discovers that Doasha is just another name for Satan!
That monk is pretty calm in the presence of the Lord of the Flies! ("The Wailing Tower") |
Not a bad story, but it suffers from the Warren curse: a dopey ending where someone is revealed to be a vampire, or the Devil, or a werewolf, etc. I also think the editor should have separated this and the prior story for the sake of variety in setting.
A young man named Galsworth takes a job working for old Mr. Quesley at a bookstore that houses a huge collection of supernatural tomes. One night, Galsworth accidentally sees Quesley dragging a body from the street into the store and, when the young man follows the old, he finds Quesly in the act of butchering the body with a meat cleaver. Quesley, his eyes wild and his whole body seeming possessed, attacks Galsworth, but the younger man gets the upper hand and fatally wounds the older in the struggle. Quesley thanks Galsworth for setting him free and Galsworth discovers the "Bookworm," a horrible creature that must be fed--and guess who's now responsible for feeding him?
"Bookworm" |
Richard Corben's work on this tale is delightful and, while I knew that those gurgling sounds Galsworth kept hearing from the bowels of the bookshop had nothing to do with the plumbing, I was still pleasantly surprised by the story's conclusion. Corben doesn't shy away from a well-placed bit of gore with the cleaver and the bookworm itself is sufficiently disgusting and unusual enough to create a satisfying finish.
"I Fell for You" |
"I Fell for You" lands with a great big "splat" in the middle of a pretty good issue of Eerie. I'm to the point where I wince inwardly when I see another story illustrated by Jack Sparling, though he did have a way with a certain type of early-'70s pretty girl. The conclusion is ridiculous and ruins any momentum the story might have had.
There ought to be a law against those pants! ("Soul Power!") |
The first (and last) panel of "Soul Power!" reminded me of Reed Crandall's EC classic, "Carrion Death!," but nothing else in this warmed-over tale did. If you're going to do a Deal with the Devil story, at least come up with a new angle! And the more I see of Mike Royer's art, the more I wonder how much he was to blame for some of the godawful stuff Kirby did at DC in the '70s, since Royer was one of his regular inkers.
The spaceship U.S.S. Clavius lands on an "Ice World" and the men aboard get out to explore. Their instruments show that the world is heating up fast but they are attacked by abominable snowmen before they can get back to their ship. Commander Quinn is the only one to make it back safely, but after taking off he realizes that (somehow) he found his way into somebody's refrigerator, where the freezer is being defrosted.
"Ice World" |
Peter-Years ahead of Miller, Moore, and Nolan, Steve Skeates questions the difference between vigilantes and the Dark Knight in the hilarious "Superhero!"
Crime Crusher: You have chosen evil! Chosen to be irrational! And now you're going to pay!
Thug: It ain't enough he's foulin' up the caper... he gives lectures too!
But for the misstep with the final twist (you mean, the Crusher is a vampire?!), "Superhero!" is one of the best stories of the year and it's a damned shame there wasn't a sequel.
"Superhero!" |
Next Week... One of the Best Rocks of 1976? |
6 comments:
I've always been fond of "Regeneration Gap"; that hilarious ending where our protagonist embraces the beautiful girl, rubs his hand through her hair, and her entire scalp comes off, followed by her entire body falling apart in front of him is a particularly memorable image. Agreed that Vampirella #10 is quite a strong issue; 2 good Tom Sutton stories plus work from Ralph Reese, Frank Brunner, Neal Adamss, Wally Wood, heck every single artist working on this issue is a good one. For those collecting Warren via the reprints we've seen from Dynamite and Dark Horse, I think "Fiends in the Night" is a kind of a lost story as it wasn't included in Dynamite's Vampirella collection due to Uncle Creepy hosting it. I own the original, so no such worry for me. This will be the final issue of Vampirella to not feature a story starring the titular character.
So Dynamite left even more stories out? Fiends! It was a shame that they seemingly didn't got the right for Ortiz' The Fox in the last books.
The most ridiculous thing in Vampirella #10 is the report about the Miss American Vampire Contest in New York. Next to the awful short-short prose stories on the other page. But Brunner, Adams, Wood, all a step in the right direction.
The cover is great, even if the strategical hairdo of our warrior-woman is hilarious.
The funny part is, when I first read it, I never saw the ending of "Superhero" coming, so I was actually okay with the "Holy crap! They're a vampire!" ending here because it was actually done properly and made sense as to why the Crusher was so sadistic when it came to beating up the bad guys.
"The Soft Sweet Lips of Death" is surprisingly good coming from a comic series in which most of the stories are headscratchers (Such as Snake Eyes with the snake girl who eats hamsters and mongoose people hiding out inside the museum) or just excuses for scantily clad women. This one actually tells a coherent story with lovely art.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned yet that "Flywheel" and "Hackenbush" are two of Groucho's names in the Marx Brothers movies.
Thanks for all of the comments! I'm glad to see we finally have a decent issue of a Warren mag that we can all bat around. Hopefully, more to come.
I've already mentioned inside joke names, but if she's ever read or heard of it (which might be doubtful), I wonder what Raquel Welch thought of "Rachel Walsh," a movie actress who's "a thing of beauty but only on the exterior."
Of course, a parody of someone isn't automatically an insult, even if the parody is pictured as a bad person.
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