Star Spangled DC War Stories Issue 140: August 1973

The DC War Comics
1959-1976
by Corporals Enfantino and Seabrook

Kubert

Our Army at War 259

"Lost Paradise"
Story by Robert Kanigher
Art by Russ Heath

"Accident . . ."
Story and Art by Sam Glanzman

Jack: No sooner does Rock get comfortable on the abandoned P.T. Boat then he finds his vessel under attack from a Japanese zero! He shoots it down but the flaming plane crashes into the floating boat and Rock must dive into the ocean, where he comes face to face with a hungry shark! Lucky for him, a hospital boat happens by and three injured soldiers blow Jaws out of the water. Rock is taken aboard ship, where pretty Lt. Kathy Wilson fattens him up with some much-needed chow.

Rock helps minister to the wounded soldiers on the ship until they mutiny and take over, insisting that the vessel set its course for "Lost Paradise," an island where they can leave war far behind. Unfortunately, they come upon a pitched battle where Marines are trying to land on an island defended by a battery of guns. The hospital ship is destroyed and Rock finds himself on another island, battling the enemy with the aid of the soldier-patients from the hospital ship.

Amazing Heath

More, more, more! I am loving this continued story. It's too bad the format only allows for fourteen pages per issue. A few years back, Bob Kanigher would've wrapped up this story in no time and Rock would've been smooching Lt. Wilson before it was all done. Heath's art is strong and there is even a somber sequence where one of the soldiers on the ship passes away. This is a candidate for top ten stories of 1973.

Japanese planes attack a convoy of Allied ships for days on end, fraying sailors' nerves to the breaking point. A peaceful Chinese fishing boat sails into the area and, by "Accident . . .," the U.S.S. Stevens blows it to bits.

Another four-page lesson from Sam Glanzman features mediocre art and little plot, but the anti-war message is clear.

"Accident . . ."

Peter: The Rock this issue was okay, if a bit choppy, as if Big Bob had no idea where the adventure was going (one panel these guys are pacifists, the next they're screaming "Now! Let's blow these Japs to kingdom come!" or something similar) but I'm ready now for the Rock Tour to wind down and for the Sarge to reunite with his Easy pals. Heath remains untouchable, just awe-inspiring. Much better is Sam Glanzman's "Accident . . .," which is the strongest USS Stevens installment I've read in quite a while.

Kubert

Star Spangled War Stories 172

"A Cocktail for Molotov!"
Story by Frank Robbins
Art by Jack Sparling

"Decision!"
Story by Don Karr
Art by Walt Simonson

"The Thousand-Stitch Belt"
Story and Art by Sam Glanzman

Peter: The Unknown Soldier has just pulled himself from the muck of one mission when he's assigned another: impersonate Vyacheslav Molotov, Foreign Affairs Minister to Stalin, and board a plane to England so that the real Molotov can make it to London without incident. Thanks to some help from the Russkies, US pulls off the charade and Molotov makes it to his meeting unharmed. I gotta say, now that the "Unknown Soldier" series is "written" by Frank Robbins and "illustrated" by Jack Sparling, my interest in this series went from zero to . . . um . . . less than zero.

"A Cocktail for Molotov!"

Who cares about a guy in bandages?

Robbins is the guy responsible for some of the worst art of the 1970s (just check out any of his Batman or Captain America issues if you don't believe me) and I'm not too sure his writing is much better if this installment is an indication. It's needlessly complicated and, as usual, insanely unbelievable. The plane carrying US is bombed, but that's okay because he and the crew parachuted before the plane could catch fire. And if any of the Ratzi pilots saw parachutes in the sky, the jig would be up, correct? And why, oh why, is it that US doesn't remove his bandages before putting a mask on? Are you really going to tell me the gauze wouldn't play havoc with those masks? It's going to take a major overhaul for this series to become readable again and I don't see that change coming anytime soon.

"Decision!" is an interesting short-short about James Bonham's role in the fall of the Alamo. It's got very early, very crude Walt Simonson (it's tough to spot any of the artist's style here) art but then Walt wasn't given very much breathing room in three pages. "The Thousand-Stitch Belt" is a USS Stevens entry that's a bit different in that the bulk of the four pages takes place on land. It's a lot like one of those Big Bob tales about the similarities between enemies.

Remember the Simonson

Jack: The Unknown Soldier story reads like an interesting history lesson, though the suggestion that Molotov cocktails were developed during the Nazi attack on Russia does not seem to be quite accurate based on my brief research. Still, I enjoyed the race against time to get Molotov out of Russia before Natasha could give up the details under torture. Sparling's art is not getting any better but the cheesecake on the last page definitely helps. It's neat to see Walt Simonson's skill develop in "Decision!" but the Glanzman story is a dud, where the only interesting fact is found in a caption after the last panel.

Ken Barr

G.I. Combat 163

"A Crew Divided!"
Story by Archie Goodwin
Art by Sam Glanzman

"Just a Shot Away!"
Story by Doug Moench
Art by Ken Barr

Days after burying their fallen brother, Arch, tensions are still running high between the men of the Jeb Stuart, particularly between Slim and Arch's "replacement," Gus. Arch isn't happy with anything Gus is doing, least of all using Arch's clothes, and he's letting Gus know every chance he can. The kettle is about to boil just as the tank is attacked by a German fighter plane and the distraction is probably good for the men. Nuisance taken care of, the boys suddenly have a more serious problem at hand: Rick's busted wing needs mending and may be infected, which is probably why he passes out. Gus picks him up and offers to hoof it to a nearby village to look for a doc. Minutes later, Jeb and Slim are approached by a strange group of men, carrying firearms.

"A Crew Divided!"

"A Crew Divided!"

Meanwhile, on the road to the village, Gus and (the now-conscious and walking) Rick happen upon an equally dubious crowd of men armed with MGs and scowls. Gus makes small talk with the leader and discovers the men are a small band of  Communist freedom fighters looking for anyone who might be traveling through their small village with a tank. Success! Back at the Haunted Tank, Jeb and Slim discover they are in the presence of a small group of Yugoslav anti-Communist freedom fighters from the same village. Our boys know they're in the middle of a civil war but, as Gus reminds us all while he holds up a Molotov cocktail and threatens to blow the tank to kingdom come, while the two sides fight each other, the Nazis win. Brotherhood overcomes and the Jeb Stuart blows the rotten stinking Nazis to hell. Slim shakes Gus's hand and allows how the day has definitely changed his point of view. The Jeb is no longer "A Crew Divided!"

"A Crew Divided"

I usually can't stand these preachies, but Archie (as usual) finds a way of delivering the important message (one that applied to the America of 1973 just as much as it did to the America of 1944) without a lot of flag-waving and four-page monologuing (the way Doug Moench might have done around the same time). Gus keeps it to a couple of simple lines:

"You're like some folks in the States . . . ready to go at one another 'cause you maybe don't look or believe the same. Never mind that while you two do that, somebody else usually wins . . . like those Nazis in your village! That's my speech. Now you can either listen and start pullin' together . . . or I'll blow the tank sky high so nobody gets it! Understand . . .?!"

Sir Paul and Stevie couldn't have put it more succinctly. The business between the two factions within the village is handled quite well. Both sides have their beliefs but they're too pig-headed to put those beliefs aside for a day and win back what they most love. Even in the end, after the dust settles, neither side will shake hands as Gus and Slim eventually do but, rather, get right back into the nasty political business they were attending to before the pesky war broke out. As for the art, this is bad Sam, really bad Sam. Some backgrounds are incomplete, character faces have no consistency (Gus, in particular suffers a cruel fate at the hands of Glanzman), and a lot of it just looks plain rushed.

"Just a Shot Away!"

Speaking of Doug Moench: our old Marvel buddy is responsible for the runner-up this issue, "Just a Shot Away!," a cautionary tale of the future, about the first mission of G.I.s armed with laser-beam machine guns and the man who created the new weaponry. It's about as pretentious as most of Moench's mid-1970s protest strips (even the title, derived from the best Stones song ever, made me roll my eyes) and winds up exactly where I figured it would, with Doug telling us for the 155th time that month that war is meaningless and stupid. Thank you, Doug, I didn't know that.  Don't get me wrong, when Doug was on, as he was with Deathlok and Master of Kung Fu, he could be one of the biz's shining lights, but when he ventured into CSN&Y territory to ask us why we follow Nixon like lemmings or remind us racism is just, you know, a drag, man, I want to just stick my lazy, affluent finger down my throat. As we get deeper into the mid-1970s, I assume we're going to run across more and more of these protest stories written by the "new wave of comic book writer" and I can only assume what Big Bob thought of the new kids in the bullpen. I do like Ken Barr's art quite a bit.

Jack: It's a chore slogging through bad comics like this and the art by Sparling and Glanzman is hard to take. Sorry, Peter, but Goodwin's story is a forced lesson in how we all should get along. The art is dreadful. Moench's story is even worse, overwritten and pompous, but at least we have Ken Barr's art to help us along to the end. I like Barr's work; it looks like something you'd see on a 1970s paperback cover.

Dominguez

Weird War Tales 16

"More Dead Than Alive!"
Story by Arnold Drake
Art by Alfredo Alcala

"The Conquerors"
Story by Jack Oleck
Art by Alex Nino

"Evil Eye"
Story by Arnold Drake
Art by Alex Nino

Peter: That replacement GI, Stacey, keeps getting blown to hell but, luckily, the docs keep patching him up and sending him back to the line. His comrades start noticing funny things, like the fact that he's got a tattoo on his arm just like one of their fallen friends. Then, when Stacey's legs get blown off, he comes back not only with two good legs but with the same mole as another of their dead. Turns out, one of the docs, Martel, is conducting Frankenstein-like experiments on corpses, transplanting limbs from the newly-dead and then sending the super soldier back out to war. When Stacey gets his lungs blown out, the mad scientist explains that she's got no donors ready and that he'll die. This sends Stacey into a psychopathic frenzy and he throttles the doc. Before she's dead, one of her fellow mad scientists shoots Stacey and saves Martel by giving her Stacey's body. "More Dead Than Alive!" is nothing new, just limbs transplanted from other stories, but the art is great and that panel of Martel with her new body is pretty queasy. Hard to believe the CCA let that one through as tight-fisted as they were.

This will lead to some interesting discussions.

"The Conquerors"

An invasion from outer space leaves Earth a charred wreck but "The Conquerors" are stunned to find survivors in the wastelands. They herd them up and march them aboard their space ship with experimentation in mind but, deep in space, the truth comes out: the survivors are vampires who were freed when the great fires burnt the stakes in their hearts to ashes! Holy Toledo, what a stretch. Jack Oleck scrapes the bottom of the barrel to come up with this nonsense, but at least he populates the silliness with those rare vampires made of asbestos (the stakes burn but not the vampires!). Come to think of it, most of these future war stories are a waste of time, either a chance (as in this case) to trot out a tired old cliche or to provide one of the rebel funny book writers with an orange crate and a microphone. Unfortunately, the space SF/war drama seems to have been a popular genre back in 1973 and I've got a sinking feeling we'll be seeing lots more.

"Evil Eye"

American troops liberate a small Italian village and the townsfolk are happy to see them but a seemingly innocent incident changes everything. After a sergeant witnesses a small gypsy boy being thrown out of the village for having an "Evil Eye," the platoon adopts the mite, feeds him, and makes him their official mascot. The GIs begin rebuilding the town church to give the people something to believe in but the sarge learns the church has an interesting background. In the 15th century, a priest supposedly drove a nest of witches from the village and built the church to keep them out. Accidents begin happening to the squad and tensions run high; the men begin taking stock in the "evil eye" nonsense. But, sure enough, while under construction, a bridge collapses while the entire squad is crossing and no one survives. Soon, the Nazis move in on the town and adopt a strange little boy with an "Evil Eye." Though the outcome is predictable (to his credit, Oleck discloses the boy's secret fairly quickly so we know the kid is a warlock or spirit or whatever), I thought "Evil Eye" was nicely creepy, certainly the best story this issue, and it comes complete with dyn-o-mite artwork by Alex Nino, who manages to keep the little imp looking innocent while, at the same time, sinister.

Jack: That Nino art on "Evil Eye" is gorgeous and the tale is a grim one. I have not read nearly as many comic books as you have, Peter, so I did not see the end of "The Conquerors" coming in advance. Like the story that followed it, this one also had terrific art by Alex Nino. I prefer his work in this issue over that of Alcala, who drew only the first of the three stories, but it's fine as well. That first story, with the transplants, went from bad to worse and that panel at the end really shows the writer going off the rails.

Heath

Four Star Battle Tales 3

"Island of Armored Giants!"
(Reprinted from Star Spangled War Stories #90, May 1960)

"Cliff-Hanger!"
Story by Bob Haney
Art by Ross Andru and Mike Esposito
(Reprinted from Star Spangled War Stories #50, October 1956)

"A Stripe for St. Lo!"
(Reprinted from Star Spangled War Stories #83, July 1959)

Jack: When they were kids in school, Vic Anderson was bullied by Billy Douglas because he couldn't do chin-ups or climb a rope in gym class. The boys stayed together in the Army and the bullying continued through basic training and all the way up to the landing on D-Day. Suddenly, sick of being laughed at, Vic has a shot of adrenalin. He climbs a rope up the side of a cliff on his own, throws a grenade, and destroys a Nazi machine-gun nest. Who's laughing now?

"Cliff-Hanger!"

"Cliff-Hanger!" is a reprint from 1956, before we started reading DC War comics, but it could've appeared at any time in the '50s or '60s. The flashback to youth, the sudden heroism in battle--they're hallmarks of the Haney/Kanigher model and, at only three and a half pages (one full page is the splash), at least it's short. The Andru and Esposito art is nothing to put in a museum.

I thought "Island of Armored Giants!" was awful the first time we read it, but it is notable as the kickoff to the Land That Time Forgot series. At least Mort Drucker elevates "A Stripe for St. Lo!" into a decent read.

Peter: The only story new to us is the four-pager, "Cliff-Hanger," a by-the-numbers snoozer that Haney probably whipped up in between good scripts, just because they needed to fill those four pages. It hits all the same old notes: the guy who really wasn't a good athlete in college, the greenie who takes crap from his fellow GIs, the finale where our bumbling hero really does become a hero, and that awful Ross Andru art. The only thing I thought worthwhile about this drek was the moment when poor, bullied Vic Anderson lets loose with his MG. For a second, it almost appears as though Vic is saying "Enough of the ribbing, take this you sonsabitches!!!" But, alas, it was not so. More interesting is the one-page Kanigher tribute (reprinted below), a checklist of some of Big Bob's creations.

Next Week . . .
Peter tries to explain to his therapist
why he and Jack disagree about Psychoanalysis

Journey Into Strange Tales: Marvel/ Atlas Horror! Issue 18

The Marvel/Atlas 
Horror Comics

Part Three
June-September 1950
Narrated by Peter Enfantino

Marvel Tales #96 (June 1950)
“The Return of the Monster” (a: Gene Colan)  ★★ 
(r: Where Monsters Dwell #32)
“The Deadly Dwarf!” (a: Vern Henkel) ★★ 
“The Mask of the Mind!” ★
(r: Tomb of Darkness #11)
“Don’t Shake Hands with the Devil” (a: Mike Sekowsky) ★
(r: Vault of Evil #15) 
“The Witch’s Son!” ★ 
(r: Tomb of Darkness #11)
“The Terror That Creeps” (a: Werner Roth) ★ 
(r: Crypt of Shadows #14)

American author Clifford Armstrong travels to Bavaria to research a book on the Frankenstein myth. Once ensconced, Armstrong discovers that Mary Shelley’s novel wasn’t fiction; the scientist and his horrible creation actually existed and now German scientists seek to resuscitate the creature in order to build a race of super-soldiers. The plan goes awry when the monster is roused from his sleep and murders the Nazis, destroying half the village for good measure. Luckily, Armstrong and his new girlfriend, the lovely Nina Frankenstein, discover a well-placed cache of dynamite and trap the fiendish brute below tons of rubble. Though “The Return of the Monster” is riddled with bad writing (“Cliff… I noticed a pile of dynamite nearby! Do you think…?”) and a bad day at the office for Gene Colan, it’s got an undeniable charm about it; the writer (probably Stan) was obviously more influenced by the Universal films than Shelley’s novel (as is the artist, who throws in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it panel of the Uni-style monster, reprinted far below). Though our narrator exclaims that “the legend of Frankenstein and the monster is finished at last,” I’ll lay money we’ll see another return of the big fella.

"The Return of the Monster"

Wylie the ventriloquist has fallen on hard times and his manager is about to give him the axe when he pairs up with a dwarf named Demo (short for Demon!) and the pair fool the world into thinking Demo is a dummy. All Demo asks for is a 50% cut and Wylie is all right with that when the money starts rolling in. But then the big money starts rolling in and Wylie decides he can do the act with any ol’ wooden dummy. Bad move. But a worse turn of events occurs when the vent decides to kill his mouthpiece. Any chills found in the story are negated by some really bad art and silly dialogue (“I didn’t call you in to give you a job, you little monster! I called up in to give you… death!”), but “The Deadly Dwarf” has more of that 1950s Atlas horror charm nonetheless.

The remainder of the issue is pretty odiferous:

"The Mask of the Mind"

“The Mask of the Mind!” concerns the respected Dr. Hill, who moonlights as a ghoul who’s been robbing the nearby graveyard (wearing an incredibly life-like mask!). Dreadful stuff but a bit of a guilty pleasure if you keep one eye closed and tell no one. A choice snippet:

Police officer: Oh… Dr. Hill! Did you see a ghastly-looking ogre go by here?
Dr. Hill: Why… yes! He frightened me terribly! He ran up that square!

In “Don’t Shake Hands with the Devil," the Publisher of Satanic Tales has a visit from one of Satan’s demons. Sparky isn’t too happy that the magazine’s editorial policy is to show how the wages of sin lead to hell. Satan thinks it’s bad for business. Young Bela saves a witch from the stake and the old crone bestows upon him a guardian angel, "The Witch's Son," for as long as Bela doesn’t try to glimpse the face of said angel. Obsessed with the Sphinx, Russell Sterrett becomes the first man to enter the statue’s bowels and learn its evil secrets. "The Terror That Creeps" could very well be the wordiest horror story in the Atlas catalogue.

How did they sneak this one in?

Venus was a gorgeous blonde heroine/quasi-super-heroine who immigrated from the planet Venus and moonlighted as Vicki Starr, editor of Beauty Magazine. The first nine issues of Venus pumped up the romance angle but, once it became clear Venus was being lost in the swamp of love comics, Stan Lee decided something had to be done and gave the babe an edge. The adventures became more dangerous and Venus locked horns with all manner of evil beings, including the Son of Satan and early incarnations of Thor and Loki. This poor girl even witnessed the end of the world in the subtly-titled, um, "The End of the World!" Of course, what eventually separated Venus from the other glamorous funny book gals was her illustrator, the incredible Bill Everett, who rescued the poor girl from the comic basement when he assumed art and script chores with issue thirteen. Since Venus is a recurring character, I won't be covering those stories other than to recommend you check out Bill's stylish art if you get the chance. I will examine each issue's short non-Venus SF tale, beginning with...



Venus #10 (July 1950)
“The Last Rocket!” (a: Joe Maneely) ★★1/2

The Imperial Galaxy Government has ordered Helena, Empress of Juna to evacuate her planet to make way for a new galactic freeway (or something like that) but the messenger, Captain Lon Derrick, is impressed with Helena’s moxy and agrees to remain on Juna to fight the Imperials to the death. Being a completist, I had to include this 3-page quickie, the only material  in Venus #10 that merits inclusion in this volume, but I must say that it’s a nice little tale, one that feels as if it’s the opening chapter in a grand space saga. I've always been a huge Maneely fan, going back to the days I was a little Marvel zombie forking over two-bits for Black Knight reprints in Marvel Super-Heroes. No one had a style or paid so much attention to detail like Joe Maneely.

Suspense #4 (August 1950)
“The Man in Black” (a: Gene Colan) ★★ 
“The Closing Door” (a: Gene Colan) ★ 
“Two Lives Had I!” (a: John Buscema) ★★ 
“The Creature Who Followed” ★
“The Man Who Refused to Die!” ★★ 
“The Victim!” ★★

Nasty landlord Angus McTeague charges outrageous rent for his run-down shacks and, when one man speaks up, Angus shoots the man’s mother! The next day, a strange "Man in Black" arrives. Who is the man? Death! Though it’s credited to Gene Colan, this sure looks a lot like Jack Kirby’s early work.

In “The Closing Door," archaeologists searching for the tomb of Takum find that the old guy may still be in business. Yet another boring Egyptian explorer tale. A man of some standing finds himself stalked by an escaped lunatic in a small village north of London. A clever twist is the only plus in “The Creature Who Followed," a crudely illustrated quickie.

"The Man in Black!"

"Two Lives Had I"

Eric Cambell, the nation’s leading expert on schizophrenia may be a victim of the malady himself! Worse, he may be the city’s dreadful strangler. Though “Two Lives Had I” is nothing classic, it does have some fun dialogue: “I seem to be able to think clearly… as yet, so I’m not too far gone! But I wonder what my other self is like! I wonder if… hello, what is this knife doing here in my bedroom?” Very early art by future Marvel superstar John Buscema (he's going to get so much better than he was in 1950).

Jonathan Storm (yes, Johnny Storm!), one of the men who developed the A-Bomb, has so many more designs and inventions springing from his head but each project takes “at least five years to complete” and his doctor has just diagnosed Jonathan with terminal old age. But Johnny is "The Man Who Refused To Die!" What to do? Search for the fountain of youth, of course! Find it, he does, but drinking from the fabled fountain has disastrous consequences. Very, very long and it sure seems we’ve seen this story a million times before. Finally, Lillian Farnsworth wants her hubby knocked off and her new chauffeur, Jim, is the perfect putz for the job. Jim agrees to off the old man and fixes the brakes in the plush ride but, after the crash, he discovers Lillian took the car into town! A breakdown in communication, perhaps? Though “The Victim” is nothing great, the ending is a nice surprise.

The downbeat climax of "The Victim"

Unknown Worlds #36 (September 1950)
"Monster of Moog" (a: Russ Heath) ★
“The Strange Car”  (a: Russ Heath) ★
“The Prisoner of Time” ★★1/2
“The End of the Earth” ★★★

UW began as Teen Comics (which ran Archie rip-offs and the early romantic/comedic adventures of Patsy Walker, a character who would be rebooted into the Avenger known as Hellcat), was retitled Journey Into Unknown Worlds with #37, and then re-numbered with the third issue

Famed Cosmic Research scientist, Dr. Arden, has a wild and outlandish theory about the “violent cosmic disturbance” rocking the Earth of 3250AD. Arden is convinced (for some reason) that a “super-brain” has taken physical form and is “probing, searching, groping, disturbing the universe we live in!” Though his comrades in science all think Arden’s theory is stuffed with blueberries, they give him a polite and patient ear. Well, that is, until scientist Paul remembers he has a date with gorgeous girlfriend, Ona Gorn, and exits stage left. Coincidentally, at that moment, Ona is being kidnapped by the very physical brain Dr. Arden had warned of. The alien, a bulbous-headed, turquoise-colored, diaper-wearing little runt named Lod, who hails from the planet Moog, has decided Ona is the one girl in the Universe who fits his profile of “Perfect Wife” and rockets her off to his home planet. Paul and Arden track the snatcher (thanks to a Perimeter Defense Control System that monitors to-and-fro through Earth’s atmosphere) to Moog and interrupt the ceremony just before Lod has a chance to kiss the bride. Order is restored to the galaxy.

Though “Monster of Moog” could be one of the worst-written SF tales to emerge from the 1950s, it’s not without its requisite charms. Dialogue was never a strong point for Atlas SF writers and some of the sequences in “Moog” are a laugh-out-loud hoot. Just before Lod arrives in Ona’s boudoir, the buxom babe muses that “There’s some terrible presence in the room which I can’t detect! I only know it’s here…”  Paul arrives at Ona’s apartment to see a giant fireball bursting through his love’s window and when he enters the building and sees the melted glass, sure enough Paul exclaims, “I know that Ona’s disappearance is linked to that orange streak I saw from the street!” Perhaps my favorite scene though is when Paul, Arden, and their third stooge, Moss, invade the sanctuary/computer room of the alien and wonder what they can do to bring down the reign of the monster:

Paul: Listen, Moss! There’s no time to lose! What’ll happen if you yank that switch over there?
Moss: Nobody can tell! All the devil will break loose, I guess!

Just the men you want fighting for freedom of the galaxy, right?

"The Strange Car" is a forgettable bit of fluff about a con man who steals an alien's hot rod and ends up on another planet. Much better is the enjoyable space opera, "The Prisoner of Time," with its almost Vader-ian villain, Zor, Conqueror of the Universe, and its "Gosh-Wow-Pow" dialogue. Especially appreciated is the dark climax where Zor, fleeing from our heroes, makes his ship jump into Warp Factor Ten (or something along those lines) and accidentally breaks the speed barrier, projecting him and his crew hundreds of years into the future where Zor discovers his destination, the asteroid Polonna, is now a dead rock floating in space. When the ship crash-lands, Zor discovers that to exit the rocket means certain death. Rather than starve, he kills himself. You don't get much darker in 1950 comic books. The GCD hesitantly offers up Sol Brodsky as possible artist.

It was all just
a misunderstanding!

Another gem served up this issue is the pessimistic "The End of Earth." Our planet has just finished its "fourth atomic war of annihilation" and only 300 humans survive, but that number will soon dwindle when the oxygen and food run out. Not to mention the atomic disease running rampant. Desperate times call for desperate measures and our biggest brains send out an SOS to Venus and Mars, begging them to send rescue spaceships. Both planets consider the plea but want to test the war-like Earthlings to make sure there are no traps so, unbeknownst to each other, Mars and Venus send secret agents out to see if Earth attacks. As these things happen sometime, Venusians and Martians land within yards of each other and open fire, effectively ending any hope for a rescue mission. A nice, ironic tale (Mars is the peaceful world while ours is the one given to destruction) filled with fun little twists and turns but hampered by some pretty bad artwork.

Marvel Tales #97 (September 1950)
“The World That Vanished” ★★★
“Beyond the Grave” ★★
“The Wooden Horror” (a: Mike Sekowsky and 
Christopher Rule) ★★1/2 

Noted explorer Anton Carnot has been searching for the elusive land of Atlantis all his life and now, thanks to the last gasps of a dying man, he’s discovered where the writings of the lost continent are stored. Traveling far, Anton comes to the monastery in the “Hidden City of Knowledge” and finds a helpful staff who are more than happy to show the excited man where the sacred scrolls are kept. Only catch is that our weary traveler can never leave the valley. No matter, push ahead. Presented with the lost writings, Anton uncovers the secret behind the sinking of Atlantis. Seems that sorcerer Pir Anthor has been working on a potion for Fex Yalorax, King of Atlantis, that will make the King’s soldiers giants.

Meanwhile, Pir has been having a hard time keeping peasant Kalgantor away from his beautiful daughter and threatens the commoner with death. Kalgantor, in an effort to impress his belle, drinks a carafe of the potion and grows to a mammoth size (luckily, his loincloth seems to grow with him). This comes in handy in wiping out the King’s soldiers and killing the sorcerer but his new size is definitely noted by his girlfriend and she shakes her head (I won’t even get into the sexual innuendo Wertham must have mentioned while discussing this story in his famous expose) and heads for the exit. Depressed, the bachelor heads for the sea, but his massive weight sinks his homeland and, before too long, he’s bigger than Earth itself and floating away into outer space. At story’s end, we discover that Anton Carnot has been deciphering the writings for decades and has resigned himself to (and actually welcomes) his life at the monastery. A thoroughly enjoyable fantasy that reads like one of those Greek mythology tales we all grew up on, “The World That Vanished” is wordy but not boring. The art is better than average; I’d compare the whole package to one of the better DC fantasy stories of the 1950s

"Beyond the Grave"

In the same vein but not quite as successful is the whacky “Beyond the Grave.” In deepest, darkest Africa, witch doctor Moloo envies King Agono’s power and summons up a huge gorilla to kill the man. Moloo becomes king but there’s a pesky voice in his ear that sounds suspiciously like Agono. Sure enough, the deposed, deceased King shows up as the gorilla and informs his murderer that, just before the vile deed, he had his brain and his magic projected into the beast’s body and now he’s here for his revenge. The art is snappy but the script drags where “The World That Vanished” soared.

High atop a mountain in Zagrebe (sic) sits the castle of evil puppet maker Maestro Mikzath, a sorcerer who holds the village below in a grip of terror. The Maestro’s latest evil plan is to create an army of wooden dolls and inject them with life, then use them to amass a fortune. All goes as planned and the stack of greenbacks grows ever higher until one of the dolls kills the president of the local bank and is seen fleeing. The local constable and his cape-wearing deputy head up to the castle but are surprised when a loud explosion rocks the estate. Inside they find the Maestro, dead, but what confounds the constabulary pair is the revelation that Mikzath is, himself, a wooden doll! So who made Mikzath? Puppets and ventriloquist dolls were all the rage in horror comics of the 1950s, with all the publishers getting in on the fad. “The Wooden Horror” is not among the best of the sub-genre but it’s not one of the worst either. It’s actually got some interesting twists, chief among them the reveal and the deliberately open-ended climax; I think the obfuscation works in the story’s favor. Sometimes it’s best not to wrap the whole tale up with a neat expository. I'm not a big fan of Mike Sekowsky's art (in fact, I can't stand its DC-style blandness) but his visuals work here, possibly thanks to the helping hand of Christopher Rule.

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EC Comics! It's An Entertaining Comic! Issue 67

The EC Reign Month by Month 1950-1956
67: September 1955

Panic 10

"Captain Izzy and Washt Upps"★★1/2
Story by Jack Mendelsohn
Art by Bill Elder

"A Star is Corn"★1/2
Story by Jack Mendelsohn
Art by Jack Davis

"Punch Lines"★
Story by Jack Mendelsohn
Art by Bill Elder

"Foreign Movies"★1/2
Story by Jack Mendelsohn
Art by Jack Davis

"Captain Izzy and Washt Upps" are struggling with their job on a factory line unbending bobby pins, so they complain to the boss, who sends them on an exciting mission to the North Country to inspect his property holdings. They travel by plane to Roughantough, where they fight with the local bruisers until they are tied up and taken to the boss, who single-handedly knocks out everyone in town. Their task accomplished, they fly home.

"A Star is Corn"

In a lifetime of reading comic books and comic strips, I'll be darned if I ever read a Wash Tubbs story, and these parodies are not as funny as they might be if the reader is unfamiliar with the object of the parody. Still, perhaps because Mad is no longer a comic book and thus not grabbing all the good stuff, this seems above-average for a Panic story, with nice art by Elder (no surprise there) and humorous background gags. There is even a Bob and Ray reference on page three!

Matinee idol Normal Mainliner discovers stage performer Esther Blodgett and takes her under his wing, quickly running her through the star-making machine and turning her into a movie queen. She marries him despite his drunkenness and he disappears into the ocean, though Esther does not realize that he has found a mermaid to make into his next star.

I must admit I've never seen any version of A Star is Born, either. I am suddenly feeling quite ignorant, and it's all due to Panic. "A Star is Corn" is not very funny, but it is squarely in line with the sort of movie parodies that would sustain Mad magazine for many decades to come and Jack Davis is skilled at caricature.

"Punch Lines" fills six pages with 12 half-page gags. I didn't smile once. I was surprised to see from the credits that Elder drew this, because it's so straightforward and unimaginative. There's even a Reggie van Gleason character in one of the gags, which is about as dated as it gets.

"Punch Lines"

"Foreign Movies"

John loses his job and finally tells Marsha, who pledges to see it through together. That's the premise that sets up a series of one-page "Foreign Movies," looking at how the same situation would be handled by different countries in world cinema. We see French, British, and Italian versions of this scene, followed by Japanese, Russian, and American examples. There are a few faint smiles to be had, and Jack Davis does bigfoot art as well as anyone, but this issue of Panic was a real letdown after a promising start.
-Jack

"Captain Izzy and Washt Upps"

Peter: There are a couple decent one-liners in "Captain Izzy" (I'm a sucker for the fourth-wall jokes) but, otherwise, it's another bad send-up of a (now) obscure strip that I know nothing about. Sad thing is that I feel even if I knew the strip intimately, this would still be embarrassingly unfunny. But there are those two or three funny lines, something which is missing in spades in "A Star is Corn" (Ho! Ho! What a riotous title that one, eh?), which sees Jack Mendelsohn again switching out names of characters (in this case, Norman Mainliner instead of Norman Maine) and considering that hilarious. I can just picture Mendelsohn in his office cracking himself up with his own work. "Foreign Movies" and "Punch Lines" are so inane that they make me wonder if editor Feldstein hadn't, by this time, just thrown up his hands and said "I give up!" and okayed anything Mendelsohn submitted. How else to explain six pages wasted on bad alcoholic jokes and a further seven devoted to the same scene done in different languages (and none of them funny)?

Krigstein

 Piracy 6

"Fit for a King"★★★
Story Uncredited
Art by Reed Crandall

"The Skipper"★★★
Story by Carl Wessler
Art by George Evans

"Fur Crazy"★★
Story Uncredited
Art by Graham Ingels

"Solitary"★★1/2
Story Uncredited
Art by Jack Davis

An old derelict named Adam sleeps next to the fire at a British pub until he is awakened to tell the story of Long Ben Avery, the king of the pirates! Insisting that Avery was a fool, Adam recalls that Ben incited mutiny on the Charles, looted an English merchant ship, and sailed for Madagascar, where he revealed his plan to rob the treasure ship of the Great Mogul's Mocha Fleet. Despite difficult odds, his plan succeeds, and Avery recovers a large cache of treasure. He abandons his crew and sails for America, where he is chagrined to learn that the poor citizens of that new country can't afford jewels. Returning to London in search of a buyer, he is robbed and beaten; left tetched in the head, he wanders the streets, unaware of the jewels that remain in his pouch. Old Adam's tale done, he is kicked out of the pub for being a liar. He walks along the docks until he finds the quarters of the king's soldiers and turns himself in--he is none other than Ben Avery, long-missing pirate!

"Fit for a King"

This issue of Piracy is off to a solid start with "Fit for a King," a straightforward, old-fashioned tale of a pirate whose life did not turn out as well as he had hoped. It's not a big surprise that Adam is Ben Avery, but Reed Crandall can always be counted on to tell a pleasing visual tale.

Tired of being passed over for a ship captain's job, Richard Carson sets about sabotaging the Yorkton. The anchor disappears, the cargo shifts, the hold is set afire. Finally, the man who longs to be "The Skipper" fiddles with the compass so that the ship is steered through fog and onto rocks. The crew and captain abandon ship and, as the vessel goes down, Carson is excited that he finally can be the captain!

It's tough to say whose art is better in this issue of Piracy between Crandall and George Evans, but I have to give the prize to Evans by just a bit. Wessler's story doesn't hold any real surprises but it's fun to watch Carson's mad pursuit of power unfold, especially with Evans as a guide.

"Fur Crazy"

Gus Marker clings to an ice floe in the Arctic Sea until he washes ashore, only to find an abandoned Eskimo village of igloos. Hunkering down under a rotting fur, he thinks back to how he had led a party of men into the snowy wilds to kill seals for their pelts. Greed led him to wipe out the herds and thus destroy the food supply of the Eskimo; on his way back to civilization, his ship was destroyed in a storm and he ended up in the sea. Desperately hungry, he comes across the ship's stores, washed ashore, but finds no food--only pelts.

"Fur Crazy" is a depressing story with mediocre art by Ingels. Once again, the surprise ending is no surprise and, while Marker certainly earns his fate, I would have liked to have seen just a bit more characterization here. I'm an old protester against seal hunting, so I'm not unhappy to see this guy get his comeuppance.

"Solitary"

Captain Jonathan Wade is a tyrant aboard ship but he harbors a terrible secret; he and two of his crew abandoned everyone on a prior ship and escaped in the only longboat. He sends crewman Hayes off alone to find a desert island after Hayes commits a minor infraction, but when his two comrades are washed overboard in a typhoon the captain loses his mind and is stripped of his command by the crew. He sets off in a longboat by himself, looking for the two men, and lands on a desert island where he comes face to face with none other than Hayes! The angry crewman takes the longboat and paddles off, leaving Wade alone on the island to suffer the pangs of conscience.

A bit confusing and overly packed with plot, "Solitary" is not helped by the art of Jack Davis. It can be hard to take anything he draws seriously at times. The absurd coincidence of Wade landing on the same desert island as Hayes is hard to accept, but the final panel, reproduced here, is haunting in its sparseness.-Jack

"The Skipper"

Peter: On the exact opposite end of the quality spectrum from Panic we find Piracy, the New Direction's best title. That bold statement is backed up by proof this issue in the form of "The Skipper," a chilling study of escalating madness that defies expectations of softening by story's end. The single panel of Carson, going down with the ship, screaming "I'm Captain! Skipper of the Yorkton!," is about as scary as anything offered up in the horror titles. Can't say enough about George Evans's art, which shows Carson's mania deepen with each successive panel. Potent stuff. The "twist" that comes at the climax of "Fit for a King" is a bit obvious but the tale that precedes it is a good, rousing one and Reed Crandall is fast becoming Piracy's MVP. "Fur Crazy" isn't bad but contains what has to be the crudest Graham Ingels art we've seen, perhaps courtesy of a phantom inker? Or maybe Graham was just winding it down. "Solitary" puts the bow on an excellent issue, with Jack Davis giving us some of his best work in a long time. The final panel, of Wade alone in a sea of white, is nearly as powerful as that of "The Skipper."

Craig

M.D. 3

"When You Know How" ★★
Story Al Feldstein?
Art by Joe Orlando

"The Right Cure" ★1/2
Story Al Feldstein?
Art by Graham Ingels

"Shock Treatment" ★1/2
Story Al Feldstein?
Art by George Evans

"The Lesson" ★★1/2
Story by Carl Wessler
Art by Reed Crandall

There go the white carpets!

Little Tad just wants to hang out with the big boys but that means taking risks, so when the other kids dare Tad to take his sled down Snake Hill, he naturally takes the challenge. Unfortunately, the trip down doesn’t go as smoothly as the trip up and Tad ends up with broken ribs, internal bleeding and, most important of all, a pierced thorax. Luckily, the other boys are able to wave down Trooper Benson, who throws Tad into his car and treks through the feet-deep snow back to his place, where he calls Doc Yates and tells him to bring his kit over pronto. Since the roads are all closed, they can’t take Tad into the local hospital so Doc Yates must perform an emergency thoracotomy (sawing of the ribs to reach the yucky stuff) with only two cans of coffee, a chainsaw, and a pack of Marlboros. The surgery is a success and Tad is back on Snake Hill in no time! For what it is (a boring medical story), "When You Know How" really isn’t that bad but it goes on and on and, as if all the medical definitions weren’t boring enough, we get a crossover with Psychoanalysis when Tad’s mom swears he’ll never sled again and Doc Yates lectures her on growing up and the dangers of coddling her son.

"The Right Cure"

Ma Venable has got herself a right ol’ pain in her midsection and none of the medicines she’s been subscribed to by the local herbists seem to be a'heppin'. Not the swamp grass nor the moldy bread nor the lizard gizzards; why not even the crayfish stewed in donkey’s milk an’ mushroom stems, pickled in vinegar and stewed in wine did the trick. She just can't seem to find "The Right Cure"! Now this pain inside is almighty awful and her husband won’t listen to her edjacated daughter and take her to a proper doctor until it’s nigh on too late! She begs her husband to jest shoot her with the family rifle but Pa don’t want no part of that, so’s young Jennie goes into town and begs Dr. Harold Benson, MD, to come have a look at her ailin’ ma. One look at the dyin’ woman and Doc Benson knows he has to get her to the hospital, but Pa’s all fired-up mad about this here quack comin’ into his house and it takes Jennie aimin’ both barrels of a shotgun at him before he sees some sense (well, some sense). The Doc speeds Ma to the ER, where he performs an emergency appendicealectomy on the woman’s abscessed organ. Everything else seems to be in good working order so the Doc sews her up and changes out of his smock just in time for Pa to show up with his gun loaded for bear. But one look at his resting wife and Pa is a changed man. Graham Ingels was always the go-to guy for swamp folk and he does another bang-up job here. The script is what it is, another annotated surgical performance that has a hard time working up any excitement for the audience. Not that there was much of an audience by this time (though the letters page, reprinted far below, proves there were at least fifteen consumers out there hungry for a publication dedicated to psoriasis (no, not psychoanalysis!) and thrombosis (if not coloproctology).

"Shock Treatment"

Dr. Arnold Ross is called to the home of the Mortons, a family he's been treating for years, to diagnose son Larry's abdominal pain. What he finds is a nightmare of parental disorder and attempted suicide. Morton explains to Mom and Pop Morton that Larry can no longer deal with his surroundings, with the constant bickering between the couple, and his displeasure has manifested itself into extreme depression. Not even a two-tenths solution of Potassium Permanganate will help.  The only cure for Larry, the Doc explains, is "Shock Treatment"! Quicker than you can say "Two grams of Chloral Hydrate, three-tenths gram of Barbital, and six CCs of Paraldehyde," Larry is strapped to a table, greased up, and zapped. The kid comes out of the therapy an amnesiac but forgetting about Mom and Dad fighting over whether it'll be Jack Benny or I Love Lucy on the tube seems to be just the ticket. In fact, Mr. and Mrs. Morton embrace and let on that the Doc has shown them the error of their ways and love is in bloom. The only thing I don't hate about this turkey is the George Evans art. George's moody work (especially in the "therapy room" scene) perfectly captures the intensity of the situation, something Al Feldstein's cold and analytical words completely miss. It is interesting to see how accepted this controversial practice was in the mid-1950s. According to Wikipedia, shock therapy is still used (Carrie Fisher is one of the most famous patients) but not as widespread as it was back then.

"The Lesson"

Young Frank Marley is out joy-riding in his Pop's jalopy, showing off for his best girl, Eve, when he loses control of the car in the driving rain. Luckily, someone sees the crash and calls an ambulance. Frank is taken out of the car but Eve remains, badly hurt. Frank recognizes Dr. Somners, who enters the wreck and examines Eve, shouting out orders to the ambulance drivers. They whisk Frank and Eve away to a local hospital where Eve undergoes an emergency cranioplasty (for you laymen out there, that's a cutting open of the skull to remove bad stuff on the brain) but Dr. Somners has a special punishment awaiting young Marley, who's beside himself over the condition of his girl, as he takes the kid into the operating room while they slice and dice. Eve comes through with flying colors and the gore has reduced Frank to a driver who will slow down for a yellow light and look both ways at a four-way stop from now on. Dr. Somners takes Marley into Eve's room to look in on the recovering girl and she awakens and plants a kiss on her doctor/father's cheek. Can you believe it? They're related!

Actually, despite my sarcasm, I liked "The Lesson" more than any story that's been presented within the closed quarters of MD covers so far. It's not Reed Crandall's art, which is uncharacteristically blah this time around (Frank Marley walks around with a bigger hunch on his back than Quasimodo and looks like a man in his thirties in the intro), but I enjoyed the straightforward story and, of course, the loopy twist in the final panel. I'm glad that Dr. Somners's insistence that Frank view the operation wasn't without comment (Frank's pop pretty much threatens legal action), but didn't little Franky do well during his first cranioplasty? -Peter

Jack- Peter, I am shocked that you totally ignored the gay subtext in "When You Know How" (even the title screams it!). Tad doesn't have the nerve to "ride the snake" so his friends tell him to "beat it." In the end, the old doctor tells the little boy "everything's easy when you know how." Couldn't be more obvious, eh what? I also got a kick out of the doctor blaming Tad's mother while her son is recovering from surgery on the kitchen table!

"The Right Cure" is weighed down by more poor art from Ingels, who seems to be about done with the whole comic book thing if his efforts this month are any indication. The story itself is dreadful and the final pun a clunker. I was hoping for a good-old EC close-up of the kid getting "Shock Treatment," but George Evans stays classy and doesn't show it. Too bad EC comics got tame! The art by Evans is the issue's visual highlight. I too liked "The Lesson," but I thought Crandall's art was outstanding. Now those were the days when the same doctor would set a broken leg, set a broken arm, and then do brain surgery all in one shot! The ending was a complete surprise to me. In all, not a terrible comic, but I'd love to see the sales figures.

Next Week . . .
What could possibly be worse
than a stinkin' Nazi?